(photo by frield)
In the previous post, I use the metaphor of the mask to illustrate the dangers of identifying too closely with our masks. Problems arise when you think you are the mask. In reality, your mask is not you. Your mask is just something that you wear that covers who you really are. When you lose the mask, it feels as if you are losing yourself. You may even resist the process. The losing of yourself is an illusion. When you start on a journey for self discovery, you will find that what you are really losing is your ego or form identification.
What is Form Identity
Mostly, you have derived your identity through form. Ego is form-identification. Your ego- or form-identification is not by material things and objects alone. If you have a voice that does not stop speaking in your head, and you are completely absorbed in your thoughts and emotions that arise from them, you are already gripped by ego. Hence, it is possible that you identify yourself by your incessant stream of thoughts.
Your ego is vested in the “I am”. It chooses to anchor itself with labels. It identifies with the thoughts “I am gorgeous”, “I am successful”, “I am good” and “I am right”. Unfortunately, who you are cannot be known through thinking. Who you are comes from an awakened consciousness.
Your form-identity has been conditioned largely. Conditioning took place as soon as you were born. You also adopted behavior and thought patterns that have been handed down over generations. Many of these belief patterns arose largely out of fear. You accepted them as truth, since they came out of collective consciousness. You never found any reasons to examine them until now. You only decide to seek for answers when you realize that you have not truly been happy.
The ego needs to cling on to a form identity. Without form, it cannot survive. Even spiritual seekers may also fall into the trap of form identification. They give up one form for another. It happens when they now identify themselves as a spiritual guru of some sort. The truly enlightened never declare themselves to be enlightened, preach that their way is the only way or that they are the only ones channeling God.
Lose Your Form Identity
Your form identity is bolstered by the following actions:
- Seeking attention to your problems without regard for others.
- Being melodramatic.
- Emphasizing external appearances of good looks, status, physical strength, qualifications.
- Taking things personally.
- Drawing unnecessary attention to yourself.
- Judging others.
- Frustrated that others are wrong (and that you are right).
- Appearing more important than others.
A good exercise is to list down all our hangups, behavioral patterns and the stories in our head. Then, let each of them go one-by-one. Tune into what happens next. Can you still find yourself without these identifications?
Instead of brushing things aside by thinking that “this is who I am” or that “I have always been like this”, consider asking yourself What-if questions. What if you show a little more care and consideration for others? What if the other party is right and you are wrong? What if your version of truth is not really the truth? What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints? What if you are not your reactions?
Awakened Consciousness
Space consciousness arises when you lose the need to identify yourself in form identity. Space consciousness is also stillness. Stillness is formless. It is consciousness without thinking. Stillness is usually attained in the state of meditation.
You are free of your thoughts. You are in the space with no thoughts but completely aware. You are not asleep.
It is said that as you increase this space, you will find yourself.
Unconditioned. Formless. Eternal.
My Notes
Today’s post is part of a series of articles on self discovery based on my personal journey. I have resisted in letting many of my masks go. I have shed tears while they disintegrated before my eyes. I decided to write this series because of the many emails that I have been receiving, requesting for assistance on “how to love myself”. Without losing my ego-attachments some time back, I would not be experiencing the peace, joy and light that I am today.
This article sounds zen-like? Well, self discovery is not an end destination. It is very much a journey. I have been immersing myself in Eckhart Tolle’s audios to further my practice and deepen spiritual understanding. Although I have been trying my best to keep my awareness up, I don’t always succeed. But what is interesting to me is that I am more and more able to catch my ego in action.
Share Your Suggestions
If you have got tips that have helped you in finding yourself, do share them. Let us all learn from each other.
Peace,
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This is the first time I came across the concept of “Form Identity” interesting… I never viewed it like that.
I guess most of our limited beliefs and our personality has a huge influence on this.
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This is awesome, Evelyn. It looks like your own consciousness is evolving by leaps and bounds to a whole ‘nother level, and your blog is reflecting this change to you.
Namaste, my love.
Ariel
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Another brilliant post. I’m off to write down all of my hangups (and fears) related to finding my new home. I can’t wait to let them go one by one.
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Think the biggest step to take is to actually acknowledge the masks and to have the desire to eradicate them. I find that people often associate the true, emotional and loving self as ‘weak and vulnerable’ and often attach material possessions and a tough outer mask to their self-worth.
Generally, earth signs like Capricorns gain emotional security through material possessions and being ‘detached (un-emotional rather than non-reactive)’. So I personally feel it is really quite a big deal for an ex-banker like you to actually have the courage to embark on your self-discovery journey!
I could imagine all the pain and old belief systems you had to get through. Not to mention the judgement from your social circles.
I did not really have issues with masks I put on for myself because somehow it was in my nature to actually want to be real, but I had plenty of issues with masks people tried to put on for me. Struggled for most of my life when people decided that I should be a certain manner when all I wanted to be was to be true. Even to this day I would feel that I tend to be too real for most people’s comfort and it can be difficult when I am seemingly developing an intolerance to people’s masks (though I try to repeat ‘thou shall not judge’ ;p).
It is really wonderful for you to be so open about your own experiences and share them with people for the greater good.
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i had to smile at the hang ups. i kind of think that’s what makes me, me. if i let go of them, i wouldn’t be me. my hangups are unique to me and i like them. things need not be perfect or organized all the time and i have relaxed my standards a little bit.
What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints?
when i was feeling down a few weeks ago a friend of mine said what i have to be down about, what do i really have to complain about. she said a ground of friends of mine stood in a circle and put all of our problems in the middle, that i would take mine back. my problems are nothing in comparison to what others are going through – especially those with health problems. i try to remember that when i even think about complaining. my problems are not bad at all, so chin up, Valerie.
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@Shamelle, form identity is a concept that is espoused by Eckhart Tolle and Buddhist teachings. Our ego can shape our personality. If we can separate out our ego, we can discover ourselves.
@Ariel, oh yes…I didn’t realize that I’d be finding treasures in seeking to find myself. It’s been an amazing journey so far and I believe there is more in store for me! It’ll be interesting to see what else unfolds.
@Stacey, I’m puzzled. Can there be hangups related to finding a new home? If you’ve got anything to share, I’d be happy to read about them on your site.
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Winnie,
I certainly agree to what you said: people often associate the true, emotional and loving self as ‘weak and vulnerable’. What people probably don’t know is that by connecting to feelings, they can be in better touch with themselves. Strength comes from within.
I don’t really know what my Capricorn star bears in terms of attributes. But I can certainly relate to how hard it is to take a different path from most of my ex-colleagues and old friends. At one stage, long time ago, I thought that it was so cool to be a banker and leading an active social life. I am far happier doing what I am doing now.
You must feel quite out of place next to the average Singaporean. I can imagine your friends feeling uncomfortable with you around, as you are far “too real”. I am guessing that by sensing your courage, they unconsciously tune into their fears. Your authenticity scares them.
Oh yes…I hope to inspire readers to pluck up courage to find themselves. The journey towards greater self-discovery is one that is worthwhile to take. It’s better to start young rather than wait until one retires or financially free. Life would have just gone!! There should be no regrets.
All the best,
Evelyn
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Natural/Valerie,
What is wonderful will be the ability to lose the hangups anytime you wish to. Yes, there can be beauty in imperfections. Most important is that while you are having your hangups, are you happy? Are you hurting anyone else?
I used to complain bitterly about my problems too. I still do at times when I slip into unawareness. Then, I’d be thinking about how silly I am. There are lots more people far worse off than me. It’s the case of looking at a half-filled glass – is it half empty or half full? Putting things into perspective can sure change the lens in which we view life.
All the best,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn,
Beautiful post and good for you for all that you have accomplished!
For most of my life, I had no idea who I was. I spent most of my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. However, many years ago, I realized that the time had come to put an end to it. I think if we still our minds enough, we can get an idea of who we are by what our heart tells us. I found that many times I would look at magazines and just identify with certain images. When I began to ask myself who was I and what did I think and feel about life; I then realized that what I truly felt was a reflection of those pictures. All the answers are within us, we just have to listen. Easier said than done but at least it can be done!
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Thanks for this very interesting post! I had no idea what form identity was before I read this and I feel enlightened already. I completely agree that we often need to lose ourselves to find ourselves.
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What a challenge it is to let go of our egos. Often times, this is the one thing that holds us back from success and happiness. As you say, being conscious of our surroundings while at the same time practicing stillness allows us to attain a sense of peace that most are unaware of.
Tolle is the master of preaching this message and this post does a great job of clarifying and supporting this message. Bravo!
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Wonderful post, you really seem to be on a roll lately:-) My own spiritual proclivities have also always been very Zen/Vedanta/Eckhart Tolle-like, so this process of shedding ego-identifications is the core of my own spiritual journey. Meditation has been a big part of this for me, as I think it provides moments where we can feel a level of ourselves that is not tied to these identifications. And I agree that it’s important to view this form-shedding as an ongoing journey that never ends, because the ego is tricky and always finding new forms to identify with. In terms of that, at this point in my life I especially resonated with the part of your post about spiritual seekers/teachers getting trapped in certain identities. I now view teaching meditation as a central part of my own growth and path, and watching out for the ways my ego wants to identify with that role in an unhealthy way is a central theme of my own practice now. I don’t know if you have ever read Chogyam Trungpa’s Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism (I seem to be touting this book everywhere lately), but it is all about ways that the ego can try to ‘take over’ the spiritual process, and has been very valuable to me lately. Thanks!
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Great Aritcle Evelyn! This is a wonderful quote “Without losing my ego-attachments some time back, I would not be experiencing the peace, joy and light that I am today.”
Thanks for sharing
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Not judging others can be a very positive thing for our own self confidence. I’ve always been around highly critical people, and the result wasn’t just that I was critical of others (more internally than I express), but I was also super critical of myself, assuming that others judged me the same way I and others I knew judged them.
~ Kristi
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I’m a fan of questions and what-ifs are some of my favorites.
What if I’m the thinker of my thoughts?
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My hangups are based on fear. Since I am not too familiar with the area I question what if I choose the wrong school district, will my son like the school, will my neighbors by friendly, will my house have hidden problems, etc. I’m learning to let go of all of those fears.
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Oh dear. I have a lot to work on as far as “Form Identity” goes. Thanks, Evelyn. This has been an eye-opener.
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@Nadia, thank you for sharing your personal story. I’m glad to know that no idea of who you really are is now a thing of the past. Most definitely, the answers lie within us.
@Positively Present, you are most welcome. I’m delighted that you’ve found the post useful.
@Jake, I definitely agree that it can be a challenge looking at our egos. We naturally create an emotional reaction to our basic fears. I’m glad that you like this post!
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Lisa,
It’s great that not just for your own practice, you are also teaching meditation. It’s also wonderful that you resonated well about the part on spiritual seekers/teachers getting trapped in certain identities. I wrote it based on my own observations.
I don’t deny that for several weeks, I’ve been working on the ensuing disappointment that I felt arising from the observations. Perhaps, my expectations had been too high. I equated spirituality with wisdom and wisdom with the letting go of egos.
It’s definitely a fine line to cut, between moving into your own divine power but having every bit of humility. I applaud you for your efforts in evolving in healthy ways. I hope to do the same too. Thank you for the recommendation to the book. I will want to check it up!
All the best in your spiritual practice!
Evelyn
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@Jonathan, glad that you enjoyed my post!
@Kristi, I hope that judging yourself too harshly is now a thing of the past. I prefer to put a certain distance to highly critical people. It’s great that you recognize that your surroundings were pretty toxic.
@J.D., I’m just curious what your answer is to the question “what if I am the thinker to my thoughts”. Does it make you feel that you have a choice in selecting your thoughts?
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@Stacey, thanks for coming back to this post to give a reply. I get it now! My thoughts are even if you have made the wrong choice, you have every ability to make adjustments and changes. You are not stuck. Thinking that you will be stuck is an illusion. What do you say to choosing to focus on getting positive outcomes, after you’ve worked on some of your fears?
@Vered, it’s wonderful that there are some useful points from this post that have helped! Thanks for your feedback!
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Hi Evelyn – the way I approach these issues is to focus as much as I can on following my intuition as much as I can at all times. The idea being that the intuition comes from our higher or real self, while our “good ideas” and fears come from the ego. Then what we do comes into alignment with who we are, and we can stop identifying with externals.
I think the ego is a useful part of our personality – but it’s not good if the ego is in charge!
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“The truly enlightened never declare themselves to be enlightened, preach that their way is the only way or that they are the only ones channeling God.” Or as I saw stated elsewhere, that they are the only Akashic Record reader when a simple Google search would reveal otherwise.
The more I read, the more I feel I’m out of it. This is one area where I seem to be behind everyone else. I don’t like the idea of being formless consciousness because it’s so much fun working with forms, colors, structures, plants and animals. It also seems to be so abstract that I can hardly imagine it. I’m puzzled lately by the fact that I’m so very curious about all of these things, yet I dont’ seem to be able to move forward on them. I’m too afraid and I can’t seem to have faith in the processes.
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Hi Evelyn: I also think that people’s egos feed off of each other. That is, people who engage in the behavior that you describe–taking things personally, drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, judging others, and so on–tend to attract this same behavior from others. I sometimes feel very uncomfortable at my gym because a lot of the women who go there exhibit this type of behavior, and I feel myself responding to them in kind. This week I’ve been more aware of how my ego responds to them and although their behavior has not changed at all I was much more relaxed at the gym all week.
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Robin, how wonderful that you are guided by your intuition!
Yes, yes, ego does serve its purpose (although I am thinking that Eckhart Tolle may have a different explanation or perspective about how ego can even be useful), however problems often arise when our ego takes over.
Have a great weekend,
Evelyn
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Dot,
Huh??? I am not getting you. There are so many Akashic Record readers since the beginning of time. For one, Edgar Cayce was an extremely well known psychic who reportedly did 10,000 akashic record readings.
You said “This is one area where I seem to be behind everyone else.” I would disagree with the statement. In you, I see a willingness to seek and to find out the Truth. There are many people I know who have barely started or even shown any interest in their spiritual growth.
It is definitely fun “working with forms, colors, structures, plants and animals”. Hey, I love to myself, as you can see in the photos or creative projects that I share on my site.
To be truly happy, I am getting that there must be complete harmony in all aspects of our lives. What is key is that Our inner Being drives our Outer Purpose. Peace in our Inner Being can be gained from Stillness (or awakened or formless consciousness). To be in formless consciousness is also to remove the ego part that has been causing us misery in our lives.
I am still on the journey myself, just like you and others. I have indeed found that meditation can possibly be the window to awakened consciousness and hoping to deepen my practice. Perhaps, you would like to give it a try? Awareness cannot come from reading or understanding text. It comes from experiencing.
Wishing you every success,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn. I’m learning a lot through my life experience these days. The biggest learning is that while I have encountered a lot of “failures”, they do not define me. I am not a failure. These are just learning, and practicing and experiencing myself from different perspectives. I’ve realized how much of my life has allowed circumstances to define me when it “should” be the other way around. The biggest challenge is to be in a frightening situation or a challenging situation and not be OF it, just observe it.
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There is so much I can take away from this post, it is truly inspiring and reminds me I have much room to grow as a person. I especially can relate to these great tips:
Seeking attention to your problems without regard for others.
- Being melodramatic.
- Emphasizing external appearances of good looks, status, physical strength, qualifications.
- Taking things personally.
- Drawing unnecessary attention to yourself.
- Judging others.
- Frustrated that others are wrong (and that you are right).
- Appearing more important than others.
At times, I hate to admit, I need to work on not doing all of the above.
Thanks again…
peace,
mike
livelife365
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@Davina, I can perfectly understand your challenges since I am in the same learning myself. It just takes a moment of unawareness to slide into a state ruled by the ego, defensive, judgemental and of separation. I don’t see myself as failure, just not aware enough. The degree of my emotional response is a measure of how unaware or separate I am from universal Love, Light and Truth.
@Mike, I’m glad to know that my post has been helpful. All of us are students in our experiences here on Earth.
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Thank you for this acellent post!
It reminds me of The Real You
The simple answer to the question:
What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints?
is here:Nick
Keep blogging!
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Thanks Evelyn! I enjoyed this post!
I agree.. the ego is probably the most subtle mask around although we tend not to identify that our ego is not us but just a “transient” mask.
I look forward to your posts!
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@Joshua, thank you for posting the video links. Yes, they are highly inspirational.
@Victor, I think that there may be well be some people who know that they are wearing masks but feel that they cannot afford to take theirs down. So in a sense, to these people, the masks are hardly subtle. The risk of not being socially accepted is just too high!
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Evelyn this is such a beautiful and powerful series!
I think my transformation of this nature came a lot through the help of the “A New Earth” book by Eckhart Tolle. It just all made so much sense, the ego, the pain body, the form identification…
For me it was not that that book changed me, but it reinforced and helped me understand what I was living. I understood where my present peace came from and where my past distress came from. I understood more about others too in letting them be who they are and not judging as Kristi above said, for many around us are tied to many forms and false identities.
So what did it for me? I guess I was just sick and tired of being on the roller coaster of life in the B.C. age (before consciousness)
There were always those ups and downs of extreme happiness and extreme sadness, until I let consciousness in, started to own my thoughts, own the present moment and realize that I am nothing more at any moment than the “I am”. I don’t need to identify with any thought, event, emotion or thing – they were not me and I was not them. And I have to say it has been a very smooth ride since then.
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Evita,
What a surprise! I’m honored that you came over to my blog for a visit even though you are in the midst of a “I CAN DO IT” seminar and obviously busy.
My opinion is that Eckhart Tolle articulated beautifully the things we already know intuitively. However due to our crowded minds, we had difficulty ourselves nailing these down; and so it was that we were in the illusion of suffering.
Me too. I also got sick of being on an emotional roller coaster. I like your B.C. age definition…it’s right on! I seem to be gaining more and more from my meditation these days, being in the now, and letting go my ego-identifications. The result is peace.
It’s great that we are on the same journey! I wish you continued peace, joy, love and light.
Evelyn
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“You never found any reasons to examine them until now.” One of my professors said that we never really change until the change we need to make is less painful than staying where we are….
I am needing to learn to mask my own feelings and to block absorption of others feelings – I am learning from a medical intuitive that I sponge up other people’s feelings and then attempt to take care of them for them….I have done this all of my life and with people in so much confusion and pain right now my emotions bucket is overflowing. I am letting go one day at a time….The pain is so great I must make the change – now at 60 I must learn how not to do this.
Very interesting post…as the young boy in the Highest Tide book said: “God is asking us to see – to be aware”
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hi I read something somewhere that (I guess my ego is telling may sound airy fairy but seems to help) that we should try and ask our self if what we do or what we think is out of fear and not love.
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Hi Evelyn
Great post and such an important part of the path. I completely agree with your point that some spiritual seekers end up giving up one ego based form identity for another.
The most painful form identity I continue to let go of is the identity of my parents. This was the one which left me feeling lost for a while. Lost but incredibly free!
In peace and prosperity
Lola
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