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How to Open Your Heart to Love

by Evelyn on February 2, 2012

“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.”
- Oscar Wilde

With the ability to cut off your feelings, you have found it hard to open your heart. You deal with life mostly from your head. There is a certain disconnection about you that others can sense. Others may even call you cold. You believe it to be mostly true for you do not recall shedding a tear even while watching the most tragic scene of a Korean movie drama.

Very likely, your difficulty stems from past trauma. You have been hurt real bad previously. So your resourceful subconscious mind protects you with a shield around your heart. It is so thick that little love can penetrate through.

The shield might have served its purpose ever since you were a child. It has protected you through the years. Because you dislike feeling vulnerable, helpless and weak, your shield comes up at the slightest threat.

Yet, not to love is not to offer the self the opportunity to be nourished by it. You cannot claim to be living fully if you do not engage your heart. You would have sold yourself short. Buddha also pointed out that, “The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.”

To live wholly is to be in touch with the joys and sorrows of life. It does not mean that you become an “emo” but it means being able to connect with many aspects of love such as compassion. Your ability to tap into your intuition also becomes hampered when you are not able to open your heart.

The following are ways that you can open a heart that is closed……

Do Things that You Love

Things that make you happy are things that put you in the flow experience of love. You are able to build the connection with your heart, where it is not possible to at other times. And so, your guard comes down. You allow yourself to feel.

Activities that make you happy give you great joy. Time goes by quickly. Such activities can include painting, flying a kite, dreaming, singing, dancing or scrapbooking. It is also a great idea to be doing work that you love, because you would be spending a great part of your day feeling wonderful.

Let Go of the Past

Tell yourself that whatever is past is past. You are only hurting yourself in the end if you bottle yourself up in anger, frustration and bitterness. It is hard to move forward in life, with a heart that is heavy.

To open your heart, practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is the spiritual ointment that heals your wounds. It releases you into the present, thus freeing you from the burdens of past. You are in the now, feeling liberated. Space has just been opened up for you to live life anew.

Be Open to Receiving

If you have been refusing to accept compliments, gifts and assistance, then make a change to being open to receiving. Perhaps you have been brought up to believe that you should never receive anything from another. Saying yes to receiving makes you feel uncomfortable, shameful or “not good enough”. Or perhaps, the refusal to accept is part of your cultural habit. Whatever the reason is, your refusal to accept denies you the opportunity to open your heart.

You may not have realized the significance but compliments, gifts and assistance are all manifestations of love in its various forms. Everyone is deserving. No exceptions. When you say yes to these, you are also saying yes to life.

You may not have liked the idea about receiving previously because you have been afraid that you need to give as well. You do not like being indebted. However, this form of thinking is indicative of poverty consciousness. You are operating from lack. Abundance is meant to be shared, not hoarded. In fact, the more you receive and give, the more you have to give and receive. You end up with more!

Embrace Your Fears

The tip “embrace your fears” may seem like an absurd idea. After all, your heart is probably closed because you are fearful of opening it. More often than not, we prefer to bury our fears. We do not look forward to putting ourselves in pain.

However, embracing your fears simply means acknowledging them as they are, so that you can have the opportunity to release them. When you acknowledge our fears, you are allowing them in your presence. You recognize that you are human and that it is okay to have them. In self-acceptance, you allow love for yourself to enter. This process inevitably leads to healing.

Love and acceptance gives you the space for courage. You feel the fear but you are now able to muster enough strength to overcome your challenges. You realize that you have got vast potential. You discover who you are.


Help Others without Any Expectations

Helping others with random acts of kindness or even people who are close unconditionally can fill you up with love. It does not have to be a big act. You can start with something small such as making time to provide assistance, writing a note or taking out the rubbish chute.

When you perform the act of service without expectations, you are operating from the level of your heart. You give genuinely. You are not expecting a gift or anything in return. You open your heart to provide that service.

Love In Many Ways

Life’s experiences offer you plenty of feedback. They come in the form of disappointments, challenges, hurts, traumas and separations and so on. You learn about acceptance, trust, compassion, and kindness. You learn about what it means to love unconditionally, layer-by-layer.

When your heart chakra is blocked, your ability to give and receive love is impacted. There are energetic ways that can help you remove the blockages. These ways include using reiki, crystals, yoga, heart chakra meditation, and past life healing.

Ultimately, you need to find love for yourself within yourself. You meet yourself at the very center of your spiritual heart. But first, you will need to open it, if it is closed.

The Theme is Love

This being the month of the Valentine, the theme on my blog is love. I will be sharing articles on the many aspects of love, from loving the self, loving others and loving life. I also share an inspired tip on a daily basis on my FB page: Abundance Tapestry. Do subscribe or join my page if you haven’t already done so.

Read previous articles on Love, such as,
The Practice of Self-Compassion
101 Ways to Love Your Life
Self-Love Story: Lessons from the Heart

I am happy to announce that my book, Self-Love Secrets, is finally out on Amazon. If you like to have a printed copy, head on over here to make a purchase.

Abundance Always,

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Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.

Share Your Thoughts
What has worked for you with opening your heart?

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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Tess The Bold Life February 2, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Evelyn,
For me it’s forgiveness that keeps my heart open…for others but especially myself. I join you in February and will remember to keep my heart open.
Love to you and to all your dreams!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Tess,

Forgiveness is certainly a very powerful act of love that you can give to yourself and others. Thank you, Tess, for your support. Love to you and your dreams too!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Joy February 2, 2012 at 11:49 pm

This is so beautiful, Evelyn. It makes me sad that pain exists as it does, and when someone chooses to numb their heart, they are choosing to numb life. You offer such wonderful, do-able tips. In my life, there were moments that hurt, yes, but I opened my heart through them because I feel such gratitude to be in this day–there is so much beauty and energy and peace to tap into despite anything “less than”…For me, to experience the permanent joy of the world far outweighs any temporary pain that an external circumstance may allow.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Joy,

You shared your thoughts so beautifully. You made a great point that true joy outlasts any temporary pain. I believe it happens when one is able to align the self at the soul-level. If more of us can express our love and appreciation, we will be able to experience suffering in this world.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Fran Sorin February 3, 2012 at 12:46 am

Evelyn,
What beautiful and heartfelt thoughts…and feelings. Learning to love, forgive, and have compassion is a never ending journey. The good news is that we reap the rewards internally and have fellow travelers walking with us.
Fran

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Fran,

I love your comment about having fellow travelers work together with us.

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Stacy | Grow With Stacy February 3, 2012 at 1:21 am

Hi Evelyn,

This is a wonderful post! I know that for many years my heart was closed off and sometimes it starts to do so again even after much progress. I find that focusing on others, being grateful and tuning into spiritual things helps me the most. Also spending time with my kids, they open my heart in a very special way!

Stacy

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Stacy,

Oh yes, I have experienced the same too. At times, it does feel safer to just cut it off in order to think from the head. But I see these moments as temporary.

Spending time with kids is certainly an excellent idea. I enjoy feeling the love I have for them.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Angela Artemis/Poweredbyintuition February 3, 2012 at 3:38 am

Evelyn,
This is a wonderful guide to opening your heart to love. Just in time for Valentine’s day too! I’m so excited that your book is out on Amazon too!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Angela,

Thank you for your support!!

With love,
Evelyn

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Paige | simple mindfulness February 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I can relate so closely to your opening paragraphs. As a child I was so frequently labeled by my parents as “weird.” Since I was an introvert and the rest of my family were extroverts, my parents always wondered what was “wrong” with me. Feeling that expressing who I really was wasn’t safe, I shut off my heart and became cold. It took decades for the walls around my heart to finally come down.

After wanting love and happiness for so long, I finally learned how to open myself and be vulnerable without it tearing me apart. I hope that by telling more pieces of my own story, I can help others to find the light.

Thank you for bringing this area to light!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Paige,

Thank you for sharing more about yourself and how it was like in your childhood. It must feel horrible being the odd one out. Still, I am happy to know that you have managed to break down the walls around your heart.

It’s great that you are now using your own life lessons to helping others find the light. I wish you much success in transforming lives!!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

wellness coach February 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Just found your site!! We don’t live too far from you ( we’re in Phuket). I love performing random acts of kindness and want to get into the habit of doing it more often. Great post!!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi there,

I love Phuket!! I was just thinking of going there for another holiday in June. Well, we’ll see.

Welcome to my site, by the way!!
Evelyn

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Betsy at Zen Mama February 4, 2012 at 12:51 am

What a great post Evelyn! I do try to do these things on a daily basis. Being open to receiving is one I don’t always pay attention to! Love comes in so many forms. At my preschool, we’re going to talk about Random Acts of Kindness next week and make a quilt. I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks so much for a beautiful post.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Betsy,

It’s great that I am reminding you about being open to receiving LOL!!

All the best in getting a beautiful quilt done!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

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Aileen | Kaizen Vision February 4, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Oh so very, very true “With the ability to cut off your feelings, you have found it hard to open your heart. ” I lived that way for many many years and thought I was “strong.” When I had the clear realization that strength, courage and personal power come from softening, opening up to world, really feeling & taking it in – I felt my world fall out form under me. I had no idea how I could let myself feel again. Didn’t know “how.” So I posted this quote on my door to remind me each time I came home, or went out in to the world ” The world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”~Marianne Williamson. When I stopped wondering “how” would I learn to melt and feel again – and just contemplated those words – it began to shift.

It is imperative that we feel, and really take life in. That is where all the magic happens – the magic, the miracles, the courage, the faith, the personal empowerment.

You are so right, “Ultimately, you need to find love for yourself within yourself. You meet yourself at the very center of your spiritual heart. But first, you will need to open it, if it is closed.” So very, very true!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Aileen,

It is nice to know that my post resonated with your past experiences. I certainly wrote with a few people in mind who fitted the profile of having tremendous difficulties with opening their hearts.

The quote that you shared is a beautiful one. Yes, when we leave the thinking out, our hearts start to feel. It’s great that you have had that shift!!

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Justin Mazza February 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm

It is true Evelyn. The Heart is fragile at times yet our most valuable resource when it is open to receiving and giving love. I know what it is like to have a closed heart.

It feels safe yet the ability to feel emotions like love and joy are gone. Feeling is what life is all about. I’ll take living a heart based life over a mind based life any day. Great topic!.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Justin,

Yes, heart-centered living is to live in love. At the same time, it does not mean that we do not use our thinking mind altogether. We still use it but always in consultation with the heart.

Shine from the soul always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Sue March 8, 2012 at 5:57 am

Thank you for your inspiring words. I’m going to try some of your tips as I so want to open my heart to enable me to feel, give and receive love. I don’t know what has closed it, but I suspect its an un-remembered childhood event. I hope finding this page is the start of my recovery. Many thanks

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Good for you, Sue. It’s great that you have identified a potential cause to look into. I wish you the very best.

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Sue Reply:

I didn’t think that the answer was so near when I last posted. I have discovered over the last few days what has kept my heart closed and I know now that it’s started to crack open. I am so happy! It has been a long and painful journey but, and with huge, huge thanks to my loving husband without whom the journey would not have begun, it has been worth every tear and every dark day. I know now that I am capable of giving and receiving love. Thank God.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Sue,

I am delighted for you. It’s great that you have someone who is loving and supportive with you on your journey. I have an amazing husband too. Oh yes, anyone of us is capable of receiving and giving love.

May you be well and happy always,
Evelyn

Sue March 15, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Thank you

[Reply]

novi retnosari August 29, 2012 at 8:57 am

hi…..
i’ve been in a shell for years,i can’t even remember when i started it,but now i don’t feel comfort anymore.when i read your article, it’s soo me. i think i want to try, to open my heart, it’s hard for to recieve from others…i wanna start from it.
thankyou

[Reply]

Ishan November 4, 2012 at 5:30 am

Evelyn

I never been in relationship or love, Want to know what is wrong .

Why that one person is still missing in my life :(

[Reply]

Shraddha Trasi February 5, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Hi there!

I absolutely loved your’ Activate your abundance’ audio- Thanks for all the gr8 work you are doing to make this world a more beautiful place..

I am envisioning myself to be in a place similar to where you are- supporting others to open themselves to love and beauty of this world, first by doing it with myself & you are a totally awesome inspiration.

Thanks again for spreading so much love:)

With gratitude
Shraddha (Means Faith in Sanskrit)

[Reply]

Shraddha Trasi February 5, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Hi Evelyn!

I absolutely loved your’ Activate your abundance’ audio- Thanks for all the gr8 work you are doing to make this world a more beautiful place..

I am envisioning myself to be in a place similar to where you are- supporting others to open themselves to love and beauty of this world, first by doing it with myself & you are a totally awesome inspiration.

Thanks again for spreading so much love:)

With gratitude
Shraddha (Means Faith in Sanskrit)

[Reply]

June April 15, 2014 at 8:04 am

After closing off my heart due to being hurt because of disastrous romances throughout my I have been alone for about 7 years and am nearly 60. I have been very sad because of my hard heart but have been afraid to show my soft side for fear of attracting men as I used to when I was sweet and loving. I have the feeling that beauty that emanates from an open heart just attracts people who want it for themselves and who will destroy it, much the same as we want to pick the flower only to kill it because of our desire to have the beauty for ourselves. I feel that my open heart has been naive and vulnerable to the evil in people, especially men. The problem however is that I do appear aloof and cold to others and even snobby because of the lifeless look that has grown in my eyes. I know that I smile but my eyes are pretty much lifeless, showing that there is a lack compassion or love in my heart. I am a good actor as I do believe that I have love and compassion but don’t want anyone to know because it makes me vulnerable to being plucked by the wrong person as has happened in the past.
Your blog has helped me to understand that I must open up my heart of I want to get my life back, because I am miserable inside. I go throughout he paces, I do things I enjoy but there is no lasting joy. I am ok when doing things I enjoy but it does not last. I am continually looking for the next experience, the next trip away the next concert, never satisfied.
I know that if I can open my heart, my life will be worth living again and fill to the brim with love and joy and gratitude. My head will protect me when needed because I have learnt but my heart just wants to be free to be itself! I have lost the real me and for years I have not known how to find me again which I have been longing to do as I am so sad and miss myself. I used to be a nice, loving person and loved to give and receive but now I am closed and have drawn the drawbridge around my heart and filled the moat with crocodiles so that none may enter.
Thankyou for your words. They have made me cry more tears than I have for a long time in the realisation that I have denied myself the life I deserve. I have been living with my head, denying my heart and am paying the price…loneliness, hate and poverty of spirit. What I am most upset about is the change in me that affected my relationships with others, my friends who have been too nice to comment but I know they have seen the change in me and don’t like it. I have lost some along the way due to my hard heart and am sorry for that.
I hope I can now work toward healing and will revisit your words to assist.

[Reply]

Improvesighteye.Bravesites.Com September 25, 2014 at 4:58 am

Hey there are using WordPress for your blog platform?
I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started
and create my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make
your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!

[Reply]

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