Pin It

How to Mend a Broken Heart Holistically

by Evelyn on February 9, 2012

“When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.” ~ anonymous

how to mend a broken heart

Your heart is broken from a relationship that is finally over. And so, it feels as if your entire world is crushed. You cannot bear the thought of not having that special someone in your life. Never mind even if you have just been betrayed, taken advantage of, left to the sharks and so on from your ex. You just dislike the idea of having to spend special occasions such as Valentine’s, New Year’s or Christmas Day alone.

You already know what it means to have a broken heart. Based on some fictional stories that you have read in a book or watched in a movie, loneliness is an experience that can kill. Your hero or heroine usually dies after going through intense suffering from being alone. The last you remembered, you cried buckets. Now that the drama is actually happening to you, you feel as if your heart is going into a million pieces.

Then again, it is not as if your heart is really broken. A “heartbreak” is but a common metaphor to describe the intense pain that you are in after losing someone dear and close to you. The situation of loss may occur in a breakdown in your relationship, romantic rejection, divorce or even death. Your pain comes from grief over the separation or bereavement. Even when physical death has not actually happened, it can feel as if it is truly the case with a break up.

This article is written for those who have just gone through a split. I won’t proclaim myself as any kind of relationship expert but most certainly, I have had my fair share of weathering through breakups when I was younger. I have also had the experience of helping some of my girlfriends through their turbulent periods in their life without a man. In the recent years, I have been receiving a number of questions regarding what to do about a broken heart.

I will not advise you to waste time stalking your ex. In all likelihood, it won’t bring your ex back but may even turn him or her off completely should you get discovered. If you wish to mend your heart, there are better things you can do. Here are 10 mind-body-spirit ways….

1. Learn From Past Experiences

It takes two to clap. So if the relationship has not worked out as expected, it can be that you need to bear some responsibility. You need to ask yourself what your lessons are.

Hence, find out the reason for your contribution to the breakdown. Was it communication, your lack of understanding or your bad habits that drove him or her nuts? Make a note of these and resolve to work on the issues that have held you back from becoming a better partner. When the right one comes along, you may not want to repeat the same behavior.

2. Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness may not be truly necessarily since your relationship is already over. However, if you don’t practice forgiveness, you can carry the hurt for years to come. You may not need to make your ex a friend or to be able to do practice forgiveness immediately after a bitter breakup, but consider allowing yourself the chance to open your heart to forgiveness in time. Famous writer, William Arthur Ward, once said, “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.”

With forgiveness, you are letting the past go. You choose to no longer hold on to your anger. You become accepting of what-is. You are present in the now. Forgiveness heals your heart. You not only forgive your ex but you also forgive yourself. You allow space for new love to enter.

3. Focus on Personal Growth

You may feel somewhat lost as you are no longer hanging out in his or her apartment. You just do not know what to do with your excess time. Well, instead of moping around, pick yourself up. If you are having trouble dealing with your sadness, consider doing some emotional release work.

Additionally, make good use of your time by brushing up your knowledge and skills. There are so many books to read, audios to listen to and workshops that you can attend. Consider picking up some self-confidence skills, for instance.

4. Do a Cord Cutting Exercise

Perform a ritual for energetic release from your previous relationship. It is especially helpful when you find yourself unable to move on. It happens when you cannot stop yourself from thinking about your ex.

One exercise that you can do is cord cutting. Visualize yourself with your ex in front of you. Sense or feel any energetic cords that stretch between the two of you. When you are ready, imagine a pair of golden scissors and cut the cords. Seal all cord ends with love and forgiveness.

When it is completed, tell yourself that it is “done”. This exercise removes co-dependent, dependent and karmic ties. It allows your relationship with each other to be free and healthy.

5. Exercise

There is nothing like exercise to beat misery. Exercising releases endorphins, and so they help you to elevate your mood. You also feel better about yourself and have greater confidence.

For exercise, go to the gym or take up some sport. Better yet, choose something that allows you to make new friends. Who knows? You may just meet someone from your gym or workout class.

6. Spruce Up Your Image

Sprucing up your image may just give your confidence a needed boost. Consider revamping your wardrobe. Browse through magazines and find out what type of clothes flatter you.

Alternatively, hire an image consultant. In the hands of an expert, you will learn how to project a style that is suited to your personality. Always have a ready smile to match your new image. A smile is the light from the heart of your soul.

Then again, if you have a problem with shyness, try this Extrovert Me program out. Learn some useful NLP secrets that will help activate unstoppable confidence and attract the success that you deserve.

7. Pick Up a New Hobby or Interest

Picking up a new hobby or interest is definitely a better alternative to moping around. There are many weekend classes that you can join. Check out your local papers or hobby magazines for these. Examples include scrapbooking, sewing, floral arrangement, yoga, wakeboarding, photography and so on.

Because you are doing something new, there is much to learn. It may turn out to be all-consuming. Your mind is happily distracted. The idea is also align with joy.

8. Travel

In the best-selling memoir “Eat Pray Love”, Elizabeth Gilbert chronicled about her trip around the world after her difficult divorce. In the end, through her travels, she shared that she also discovered love. The book was later turned into a movie starring Julia Roberts.

You can consider taking up the tip on traveling. Traveling can help you out of feeling stuck. It broadens your perspective on life. You will find out that there is a whole world out there. While you may or may not find a new partner in the midst of your travels like Elizabeth Gilbert, there is the possibility of having an adventurous time with exploring new places.

9. Volunteer

Volunteering is a tip that I learned from a personal development workshop that I attended years ago. The idea from volunteering is that you would have automatically gained a bigger perspective of life when you have found a cause that is bigger than your individual issues. Once you find out that there are people in worse troubles out there, you will stop fretting about your lack.

In the recent years, in fact, I made some new friends who confessed to having started volunteering work at a time when they were experiencing relationship breakups. They wanted to look for something meaningful to do. Through volunteer work, they rediscovered love. It was love for the community that mended their hearts.

10. Get Support

Avoid spiraling downwards into depression over a broken relationship. If you have problems coping with your emotions, ask for support. Call up your friends. You can also call the local helpline if you cannot find anyone that you know to talk to.

Alternatively, engage professional assistance. Get help from a life coach, counselor or psychologist for deeper issues. I offer local consultancy services if you are hoping to work through your issues, adopt a more positive outlook and for additional support. Contact me here.

Give Yourself Time

Do not inflict yourself with more pain. Give yourself time to get over your broken heart, but avoid wallowing excessively in misery for far too long. You will not get to feel better if you keep playing sad songs over and over again.

Also, it can feel tempting to want to jump into another relationship right away. You may have the desire of filling the empty pockets of your heart quickly. Be warned, however.

You do not want to fall into the trap of repeated relationship patterns. These themes can include unfaithfulness, unwillingness to commit, betrayal, lying and so on. By not learning your lessons, you may find yourself in the same boat over and over again. So learn to look out for the signs.

It is possible to mend your broken heart. First, nourish yourself with healthy self-love. Next, determine the qualities that you are looking for in a partner and then use visioning to attract the relationship that you desire. All the best!

Love and abundance always,

fbprofilemktg-2evelyn lim signature
Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.

Share Your Experiences

Have you ever been through a broken relationship? How was it like for you? What steps did you take to get over it?

Related Posts with Thumbnails

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Te-Erika (My Savvy Sisters) February 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

I have been single for 10 years so opening your email this morning made me curious. While most of your suggestions are things I have tried to ease the pain of being single and heartbroken for so long, what really worked for me was actually making peace with being single and deciding that its okay if I am single forever. I even wrote a book about it and I blog about it too on my blog http://www.itsnotasintobesingle.com

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing about what has worked for you. It is great that you have learned to make peace with being single. Making peace will definitely be helpful for freeing from the past. It gives you a firm ground to move forward.

Wishing you the very best in life,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Ant Reply:

Hi Evelyn, thank you for that email. It came at just the right time. My marriage fell apart last year. Probably a slightly more proportion to my insecurities and self doubts. However I know now my partner was not my divine mate – though I still have feelings for her – I am trying hard to move on. Thanks for your wise advice.

[Reply]

The Vizier February 9, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Hi Evelyn,

I am very familiar with pain from heartbreaks since this is what I had to deal with during my younger years as I learned to master my emotions. As an INFJ, the pain from heartbreak is no joke since I felt a literal pain in my heart and chest. When you form deep attachments to someone it can be very hard to let go when the relationship ends. The investment is too great, the pain is too intense. But it is possible.

Of all the great tips you have put together to mend a broken heart, the following stand out for me.

1. Learn from past experiences

It would not do to keep on making the same mistakes in relationships and to keep on suffering as a result. You might as well find the problem and learn from it so you will have a better relationship the next round.

10. Get support

Having support to mend a broken heart makes it a lot easier as well. It helps to know you are not dealing with this great pain alone.

Personally, I feel it is vital to embrace your pain fully. When I tried to ignore or suppress my pain, I sufferred more as a result and the healing too much longer. Whether it is crying your heart out, writing or talking, let go fully and hit rock bottom. When you really reach rock bottom, there is no other place to go but up. Surrender and embrace your pain and you will heal as you should. It would be a good idea to have someone dependable nearby to watch over you during this time.

Thank you for sharing this important article on mending a broken heart!

Irving the Vizier

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Irving,

I am sorry to learn about how it has been like for you. You sure sound like you have gone through a fair amount of pain from heartbreaks.

Most definitely, embracing the pain fully helps. So that there is no suppression or repression. Thereafter, making peace and picking the self up follows. Otherwise, it is possible for someone to remain stuck at levels that spiral downwards to depression. Having friends for support is important.

All the best in your relationships!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Juvy Reply:

Hi, I’m an INFJ as well. I just went over with a great heart crash. I thought I wasn’t able to survive but thanks God, I did surpassed. After that, I thought I’m already living with peace of mind, until here comes another one. Being an INFJ, I agree, It’s no joke. The pain is so extreme and made it worse because of our unstoppable thoughts and intense emotion. I commend Ms Evelyn for her level of wisdom on her article. By the way, I emailed you because I just wanna chat with you while I’m letting my intuition works best for me during this kind of distress. I just wanna hear same Infj. Would it just be fine with you? thanks.

[Reply]

Jt Clough | Big Island Dog February 10, 2012 at 12:14 am

I was single for 10 years through my mid 30′s to mid 40′s. It was when I embraced my life as it was and realized all I had within myself that someone walked into my life that began a relationship worth all that I had worked on in those 10 years.

Heartbreak is hard. Made me think about how that goes for dog lovers and that I need to write about how to deal when the loss of a loved one in dog form happens. It is one of those things I get asked about and it is hard thing to deal with. Support there is a good thing too!

Mahalo for your suggestions.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Jt,

Thank you for sharing about your story. I have not had the experience of being single for a long time, which also meant that I had to grow up a lot within my married relationship…..something not easy to do too. It’s great that things have worked out well for you :-)

Good for you! I am glad that my article sparked off a new idea for a post. I look forward to reading it!

Happiness always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Fareast February 10, 2012 at 12:21 am

Hi Evelyn,
I have been reading your articles and love all the advices you’ve given. I had my share of a brokenheart and it lingered for years. My story is a little complex for me to explain in a few paragraphs. Let’s just say that I had high hopes and dreams of being with someone I like very much (we went on dates a few times) and it was sabotaged by someone (will referred to as person X) who had great influence and authority in the circle of people we all were a part of. In short, this person X fixed him (my interest) up with another girl that she (person X) likes and friend with. Person X also transferred me out of the group so I would be out of the picture and wouldn’t have anymore chance of seeing my interest or build a deeper and better relationship. Needless to say, my interest ended up being with the girl person X fixed him up with. I tried telling myself to let go and move on many times, but the pain just lingered for years. However, I recently had a chance to let person X know how much I resented and hated her [she knew well the reason]. As soon as I did that, I felt freed and finally was able to let go…the pain no longer got a hold of me. There were many times I told myself that it was stupid of me to let what happened hurt me for so long… Did I became delusional by my high hopes and dreams and got so hurt when they didn’t become realized?

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I would also encourage you to let go of your resentment with person X too. You will find that you are only hurting yourself in the process by holding on to anger. Forgiveness heals your heart.

There is no point blaming yourself either. What is past is already past. You did the best you could, based on the inner resources you have had all these years. The only way is to consider taking wiser actions from now on.

I sincerely wish you all the best in your relationships.

May you find and experience an abundance of love always!

Best wishes,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Fran Sorin February 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

Hi Evelyn,

I don’t think there’s a person who hasn’t experienced heartbreak. Yes, it’s difficult. Sometimes even excruciating.

But you know what? I think it’s walking through our heartbreak and getting on the other side with compassion that gives us the capacity to love ferociously.

You offered a great variety of ways to give yourself some momentum when trying to pick up the pieces. A great article :) Fran

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hi Fran,

I used to hold the same view that everyone would have experienced a heartbreak. But more recently, I found out that there are also those who truly have not, because they have not allowed themselves to feel and be connected at the heart level. In fact, my previous article on How to Open Your Heart was written for some of these people.

Yes, heartbreak can be excruciating. I like what you said about getting on with compassion that allows us to love ferociously.

Thank you for your sharing. Really appreciate it.

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Paige | simple mindfulness February 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

While these are wonderful ideas for managing a broken heart, I thought that most of them would be perfect for those currently in relationships – even good ones. It would help to keep things fresh and avoid a future split-up. Forgiving our partner now instead of waiting for festering resentments to blow would certainly increase a relationship’s bonds.

Focusing on loving ourselves and improving ourselves (to our own standards and values) makes us infinitely more attractive to our partners as well as others. And we’re happier in the process – not because someone else loves us but because we love ourselves deeply enough to care for ourselves.

Thanks for these ideas Evelyn!

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Paige,

It’s great that we share the same views about loving and improving ourselves!! You made an excellent point that we should also be applying the above tips even while in a relationship. In the process, we also become more attractive to our partners.

This was the advice that I gave to my client this morning too! My client was trying to help improve her relationship with her partner (while there is still one).

Love and abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Julie | A Clear Sign February 10, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Hi Evelyn,

You’ve given some great advice. I’ve found that following your intuition is so helpful in what step to take in the moment to mend a broken heart, and it’s always good to have a plan as to what to do in the moment when pain strikes. For instance, if all else fails, just put on your sneakers, go out the front door and walk it off until the feeling passes!

You really do have to “do the work”. At the end of the day, we are all connected, but still need to stand fully and independently on our own two feet. When we are that whole, then we can let relationships come and go with much more grace and ease. There must be something in it about knowing this is a journey we chose to take, with many lessons along the way.

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello Julie,

Thank you for sharing your insightful comments.

I enjoyed what you shared about following our intuition in that very moment. We must also learn to be able to distinguish its voice from that of the ego and not take any unwise actions.

Yes, there is no escaping doing the work. Well said, we need to transcend the lessons ourselves!

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

Faith February 11, 2012 at 8:34 am

Hi Evelyn,
The broken heart-mending was indeed one of your wise articles. I did especially enjoy the part about the forgiveness, a word, a feeling so easily misunderstood, it is is such a great relief to the one forgiving! Like love itself, which I have learned to either spell LOVE or replace it by friendship, or rather FRIENDSHIP. Love cannot be understood by us, FRIENDSHIP can.
Then, your thoughts on service .. a friend of mine just found himself betrayed by his spouse, and I did indeed advice him just this, i. e. help others. He did, felt better, and he is becoming more prosperous in the process (although this should NOT be the goal.)
So thanks again for your wisdom-in-the bottle,
and I would like to close with:
Take care, and (don’t forget)
Take care of someone out-there.
Kindest of Regards,
Leonardo “Faith”

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello “Faith”,

Thank you for your feedback. Your comments are very much appreciated :-) It is great to know that your friend has benefited from helping others.

I enjoyed your tip on replacing love with friendship. The only thing is that for some, it is best to separate for a while because becoming friends immediately may cause worse pain.

Also great one there about taking care of everyone including the self :-)

Abundance always,
Evelyn

[Reply]

PJ Zafra February 12, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Hey Evelyn,

What a wonderful post. I know how a broken heart feels and it doesn’t feel good at all. It can drag us all the way down and waste our time. It’s always important to do something about it and move on. If I knew what I know now when I was a teen, I would’ve saved way more time and effort trying to feel better. lol Thanks for sharing this. Perfect timing since Valentines Day is fast approaching. :)

[Reply]

Evelyn Reply:

Hello PJ,

Well, a broken heart provides us valuable feedback. It is perfectly normal to spend time grieving, however at some point in time, there is a need to move on. Me too. I wish I knew a lot better on what to do when I was young.

Oh yes, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Evelyn

[Reply]

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: