“It’s not hard to move on, it’s just hard to leave behind what you’re not supposed to bring along.” – Unknown
“Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something that is broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.” – Unknown
You are in excruciating pain. Your heart has been broken into a million pieces. As a result, you have been walking around, with a gaping wound. Like a broken recorder, your mind keeps replaying what has recently happened in a mental movie over and over again. It plays one of the following:
- You have been dumped by supposedly “the love of your life”…ouch! Your lover just cited some vague excuse about the two of you being incompatible. You tried to win him or her back but to no avail.
- You are sick in the stomach because you are feeling betrayed. You have just found out that your lover has been having an affair with someone far more attractive than you. It hurts like crazy!!
- You are in anguish. You have been secretly pining for your ex but you have just discovered that he or she has had a recent change in status on Facebook to being engaged or married. Your dreams of ever getting back together are totally shattered.
And so, you have been emotionally eating. You have just spent Valentine’s Day alone, moping and feeling so alone. Mostly, you can’t bear the sight or thought of some happy couple professing their love for each other on Facebook.
Your self-esteem has sunk to an all time-low.
The pain is so intense that you declare that you cannot love again.
There is Hope
I completely understand.
I have been through a number of relationship breakups myself. I cried buckets. During the grieving period, I had no idea how I was going to survive the days. Needless to say, I suffered from insomnia too.
And so, I went partying with friends to dull the pain of feeling lonely after office hours. I was out a few times a week. It did not matter that I had to crawl out of bed early the next morning for the office. I considered not having any plans on Friday nights a disaster. Not to mention, I was secretly hoping that I would meet someone special at drinking spots.
Even though it was difficult, I made it through the pain every single time. Then, after picking up the pieces, I went on to having a great time as a single. I was a happy single, when I met the guy – who eventually became my husband. And no, I did not meet him at a bar.
Sure, my reflection now is written based on hindsight. What I hope to suggest is that it is possible to mend and move on.
7 Tips to Mend Your Broken Heart (and Move On)
“Don’t tie your heart to a person that has nothing left to offer you. Let it go. It might hurt for a while, but when you get over it, you’ll see that it’s better.” Unknown
As a life coach, I often get questions about how to mend a broken heart. The wounded soul usually feels as if the world has ended. He or she perceives moving on to be an almost impossible task!
So I thought it will be a great idea to write my answers in a post. Hence, if you want to know how to move on quickly enough from a relationship that is broken, here are some tips:
1. Let go of the past. Mulling over the pain keeps it alive. Yes, grieving is helpful but avoid turning the process into a year-long soap opera. Put away or burn the photographs that you have taken together with your ex.
2. Don’t waste time stalking your ex. Preserve your dignity. You have got better things to do than waste any more time on someone who obviously don’t reciprocate your feelings any more. Ten years down the road, you will feel less awkward if you bump into your ex again. You won’t be able to thank me enough for this piece of advice
3. Accept that the relationship is over. You can’t move on until you accept that the relationship is over. Period.
4. Accept that you can’t be friends immediately. If your relationship did not end on a good note, you may need to accept that you can’t be friends immediately. Mistakenly, you may agree to be friends in the hope of keeping the relationship alive. However, there is nothing worse than hanging around by the phone, waiting for him or her to still call you like the way it used to be.
5. Be open to meeting others. It is hard to move on completely when you are still pining for your ex. Free up space for something or someone better to come along.
6. Get a make-over. There is no better time to getting a make-over. Note also that beauty is a state of the mind. Take up a course for building self-confidence, for instance.
7. Turn to exercise. Exercise releases endorphins that reduce stress. Endorphins make you feel-good. They are proven to help remove pain. Through exercise, you turn your attention to doing something healthy.
I certainly did lots of exercise as a single. My calendar was choke-filled with activities. I took up windsurfing, diving, waterskiing, wakeboarding and sailing. The adrenalin rush kept me going. I was out at sea for several hours every weekend.
Best Advice For Moving On
“Move on. It’s just a chapter in the past. But don’t close the book, just turn the page.” – Unknown
Making the decision to move on is about putting yourself in charge. It is about healing yourself. You let go of your ego games, thoughts for revenge, and ideas to drown your sorrow.
It is less about your ex. It is more about you. You come to the realization that you are strong enough to love yourself, without the need to rely on someone else to fulfill your needs for love.
You might have been mistaken into thinking that you had found your best friend in your ex. But as it turned out, this is no longer the case. Instead of lamenting over the loss, consider building a solid relationship with yourself first.
You build a solid relationship with the self through self-love.
For it is when you open your heart to loving yourself no matter what, that you will discover what it means to love another fully.
And chances are…..
Radiating love from the inside, you attract true love on the outside.
Shine on always,
Author. Adventurer. Life Coach. More About Me.
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Share Your Tips Below
Ever experienced a broken heart? If so, what helped you to move on? Share your tips below for those who are in pain now.