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How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways

by Evelyn on March 20, 2008


 

I have compiled a list on “how to love yourself” for readers who are facing difficulty with embracing themselves. When I first began to be aware that I need to love myself first prior to developing any meaningful relationships with others, I realized that I did not know where to start. I was surprised as I would have thought I’d be an expert on love and relationships by then. After all, as I recalled, in my younger days, I have spent much time looking for the best spouse or romantic partner.

I subsequently realized that my external search was meant to fill the void or emptiness I had inside. Finding a good relationship with myself seemed an even harder task! As things eventually turned out, I found myself failing miserably in my early relationships because I had insufficient or little self-love.

Upon deeper analysis, I found out that self-esteem and self-love are issues that are often related together. If you suffer from low self esteem, it is possible that the the root cause is a case of insufficient self-love. And so, you have found it difficult to find that little bit of love for yourself. Loving yourself feels unnatural for a start because your mind has been ingrained with self sabotaging thoughts for the longest time.

However, nothing is going to happen if you do not make a conscious decision. And that includes attracting abundance. When you don’t love yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as love.

Learning to love yourself starts with making a conscious decision, an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not love yourself and suffer from low self esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”
Lucille Ball quotes (American radio and motion-picture actress and comedy star, 1911-1989)

When you make a decision to love yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.

So if you’ve decided on loving yourself but are as equally stumped on how to love yourself, as I was back then, here are 17 ways which I believe can be helpful:

1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you You. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you see and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite all your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest thing? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes? If you find that you often judge yourself, make an effort to stop the self criticism.

“I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” — unknown

3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself just grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.

4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or coming up tops in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have failed to produce tangible results.

5. Let Go Of Worry. Loving yourself requires you to let go of your worry. It is a horrible way to live a life filled with constant worrying. I can attest to that! Worry does not help in any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help in the situation. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Universe/God about what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus quotes (Greek philosopher associated with the Stoics, AD 55-c.135)

6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself, for as long as you put your heart to it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
Benjamin Spock quotes (American Pediatrician and Author, 1903-1998)

7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that had caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Lewis B. Smedes quotes

8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Loving yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. And as we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.

9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, loving yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.

10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Reframe your mind with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day.

11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.

12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. —Mark Twain

13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.

14. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul.

15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”
Jim Rohn quotes (American Speaker and Author. He is famous for motivational audio programs for Business and Life. )

17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in every thing, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of an evening sky.

Here is a good affirmation to read and reflect on…..

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

Don’t forget to bookmark this post if you’ve enjoyed it!!
=======================================================
Update News: Self-Love Secrets Book


I have written a book, Self-Love Secrets, arising from email questions written to me as a result of this post. If you are having self-love or self-esteem issues, do check out my book –
Click Here for Instant Download of Self-Love Secrets

========================================================

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{ 39 comments }

Brenda Skidmore March 20, 2008 at 10:38 am

Most of our troubles stem from the stories we tell ourselves. When we watch too much drama that is reported and spread from the mainstream media, or listen to other people’s personal stories of turmoil, we begin to assume.

We tend to believe what we are told. We assume that is all there is to a certain story of tension, whether it be positive or negative. Adopt the mindset that there is many different ways to view the world or what seems real around you. Don’t get so caught up in the visuals, or what you are seeing. And, don’t make the mistake of assuming you know all there is to know about a certain drama going on around you.

Dare to dream about the possibility of there being a bigger picture, one that you might not be able to see just yet.

We all make it up in our mind as we go about the daily task of living. If you are going to make up a story about a certain troubling thing in your life and lie to yourself, you might as well tell yourself a story that makes you feel good. If that story doesn’t match what’s really going on, then don’t beat yourself up. Learn the lesson from it, accept you did the best you could to work yourself through it, and accept the idea that you are always trying to seek something better(mainly love and acceptance) for yourself and you always will be.

We are all the same when it comes to that. It’s just that others sometimes think they need to step on others to get it. When dealing with an individual who thinks this way, just love and accept that they are not as evolved as you, and move on from the situation. But, don’t let it blow your confidence, or self-love of yourself. Be patient with yourself, and everyone else.

Brenda Skidmore
Missouri, USA
My Water 4 Life

Evelyn March 20, 2008 at 7:39 pm

Thank you, Brenda, for sharing your wisdom.

You are so right about the fact that our views are often affected by our one sided way of looking at things. Indeed, we have the ability to change the stories in our head. Unfortunately, those with little self esteem often choose to swear by the deluded story that they tell themselves. Awareness is key to spark a change and shift in thinking.

With much thanks and appreciation,
Evelyn

Usiku March 20, 2008 at 10:23 pm

This may sound silly but one of the ways I began to mend my self-esteem was to dance the way I felt like dancing and not the way others were able to mimic popular dance moves.

Evelyn March 21, 2008 at 2:47 am

Hello Usiku,

That is so lovely :-) Guess your style of dancing makes you totally unique. Thanks for sharing!

Evelyn

Ephrem March 21, 2008 at 6:27 am

Hi Evelyn,

This is a wonderful post. I stumbled on it from Social Marketing Central. You’re absolutely right, you can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. How can you give love if you don’t have it for yourself in the first place. In French they say that even the most beautiful woman can’t give what she doesn’t have.

From your blog I also visited Richdreams.com It’s amazing! I’ve just received the first lesson and I’m downloading the MP3s. Wonderful gift! I’m positive that they’ll help me a great deal.

Thanks a million for sharing.

Cheers,

Ephrem

Evelyn March 21, 2008 at 11:29 am

Thanks, Ephrem, for your kind feedback. It’s nice to know that you are benefitting from this post.

With much thanks and appreciation,
Evelyn

Misha March 21, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Thanks Evelyn :)

We all need to be reminded about those things time to time, cause most of us keep avoiding at least some things from your list…

Misha
Mapquest

Evelyn March 25, 2008 at 8:29 pm

Hello Misha,

I know. I continue to have to remind myself on some of the points too! Worrying, for one, is a huge baggage that I’ve been carrying around. But the load sure gets lighter each day, with more awareness!

Love and light,
Evelyn

Miriam May 24, 2008 at 5:58 pm

I hate myself, and even tough all of these.. I guess “commandments” are very well put, and very wise, I just can’t seem to like me for me. Nothing works, basiclly. I am so sick of being suicidal, and hate myself everyday. I wish I had confidence and I wish I could just live for once, a happy life. I’m just 15, an this should be the best time of my life.

Evelyn May 26, 2008 at 8:44 am

Miriam, hold it on there! Can you write to me please?

With concern,
Evelyn

payal June 9, 2008 at 9:19 pm

Hi Evelyn,
Its a great article and I myself am working on myself but for some reason I am not able to remain in a positive state for more than an hour. I am extremely indecisive and extremely afraid of regrets of making a decision.I get panic attacks almost every day.I am seeing a psychiatrist but doesnt seem like a lot of help.Have been to stupid astrologers and palmists who demotivated me even more.I am so lost at times.

kannan viswagandhi June 22, 2008 at 11:48 pm

Hi Evelyn,

Wonderful and excellent post.
This is the first time i visit your site.I was browsing through illuminatedmind and got your link.
The Affirmation at the end is great and useful.
I love the ideas #1,#4,#12,#14,#16.
Knowing yourself fully is most important for success.Find out your strengths,nurture them to achieve you desire.
Thanks for sharing.

Best Wishes,
Kannan Viswagandhi
http://www.growing-self.blogspot.com
Thanks for sharing.

Sid August 5, 2008 at 8:37 am

Thank you evenlyn

Excellent article

So many of the things I ‘know’ but dont practice so a timely reminder

Thank you once again for sharing these points

Sid

P.S. I hope Miriam made contact with you….

Dusty August 21, 2008 at 7:42 am

Through stumbleupon alternative health channel, I came across your site. I find your site very information rich and well organized. Everyone will find something useful here on this site.

tzu September 5, 2008 at 8:15 pm

very useful, positive and helpful guidance. well done. thanks.

Dee September 25, 2008 at 11:41 pm

Wow. The divine power brought me to this site. Am on a path of spiritual discovery and it’s amazing what am attracting. God bless you Evelyn. Your posts have touched me tremendously.

Haffy Ali September 30, 2008 at 10:50 pm

Wow! Wonderful I LOVED IT

Thank you for sharing i can finally sleep peacefully 2nite its all abt reflection and i must always do that think positive before i go to sleep, Godwilling wen the morning draws closer i shall wake up with a smile on my face and start my day

Much Luv Haffy xxxx

Michelle Simtoco, ripplemaker October 19, 2008 at 7:16 am

I love what you are sharing here esp. the fact that loving ourselves is indeed a decision we must make. I once got sick, only to find out that I had a big contribution to that. But I am grateful. That experience changed my life. And it is now a joyful one.
Keep sharing your light,
Michelle

Evelyn October 19, 2008 at 4:46 pm

I just want to express my gratitude to all who has found this post extremely helpful for them!

Blessings to you always,
Evelyn

aman October 25, 2008 at 9:38 am

for all of you guys here to top yourself im not writing to you but should you care to listen it wont hurt. loving yourdself is the fundamental aspect of life. you got to lovr yourseld before considering loving others. even if you dont love yourself, and wotever you guys/gyals are going through life is tough but were humans we make mistskes and we have to live by them, look life in the eye and take on our challenges. love yourself guys cos your the ones who give us a story to tell. all you guys who tell a story i love you guys and lifew is all about love. peace.

Kay October 29, 2008 at 3:45 am

I am almost 21 and I am having the worst time loving who I am. I am one that looks at other people and wishes I could be them. And deep down I know I’m not ugly or suck at life, but for some reason I believe the opposite. I never feel good enough for my boyfriend of 4 years and honestly I know he gets tired of me criticizing myself all the time. I don’t wan to push him away when I know I can change. I know I have it in me, but it’s so hard to find. The only way for anyone to truly love me is for me to love who I am. How do you go about making that conscious decision to love oneself? It sounds so much easier than it actually is…

Mr. Krishnan November 12, 2008 at 5:14 pm

Hi Evelyn,

I am going through one of the most toughest periods in life- “How do I start loving myself and find Life’s True Purpose?” I am known as a man of failures(I hate myself for that), failing at whatever I do despite the efforts, no matter how small and this is affecting my professional, social and personal life. How Do I get over this? It seems Life is worse than Death – for failing myself and everybody around me who has/had the trust in me. Kindly Help !!!

Thank You,
Mr.Krishnan

chichi November 22, 2008 at 11:22 am

hello Evelyn,
i loved this article it really inspired me. i have been trying so hard to except my downfalls and imbrace my uniqueness but it seems that i cont. to judge myself to others and even though people say that i am beautiful i tend to think that everyone is lying to me. i really want to change my bad habits but i just dont think i can do it. i cont. to say i love myself but its like im just telling a lie. what do i do? please e-mail me.

thank you for your time,
chichi

calculusgirl December 18, 2008 at 8:47 am

Thank you so much for this. I put the affirmation on a digital Post-It on my desktop and will try to read it every time I go on my computer. I’m struggling hard with my own inner demons and the nasty voice that always tells me “you’re not good enough” and “who do you think you are.” One of my problems is that I judge other people harshly in order to displace my own self-hate…I need to become a more open, accepting person and judge others the way I should judge myself. I want to break this cycle because I know it hurts both myself and the loved ones close to me when I do it. I will do my best to consider these 17 suggestions when I start spiraling down again…

Girll123 December 19, 2008 at 10:28 am

This has honestly helped me a lot. It gave me a new outlook on how to look at myself. This is so wonderful. Thank you.

Girll123 December 19, 2008 at 10:30 am

Also, I wrote this down and put it where a place I will read it every morning. I’ve had selfesteem problems my entire life and never knew really how to go about fixing it. Thank you again. I can’t stress how much I appreciate it.

peter December 22, 2008 at 9:46 am

hi.problems with living.this story could go on for ever.
but basicly,life is a journey, for me a divore,gave me many years of negative thinking and anxiaty, but it made me more awear of other peoples feelings and for me to find happyness again,so there you go.
i enjoyed reading your articall. peter.

dommie December 29, 2008 at 12:39 pm

That was very deep and helpful. I too can relate with the inner demons that put me down. I really am glad that I found out about this site..I will put in place what was read.

Alex January 6, 2009 at 4:39 am

If I believe people when they say I’m not good why can’t I believe people when they say I’m brilliant…

Evelyn January 8, 2009 at 12:42 pm

It’s difficult to track the various comments that go into my blog. If you’ve got difficulty in self esteem issues or have problems loving yourself, please write to me at abundancetapestry [at] gmail dot com.

Love, peace, light to you always,
Evelyn

AJ Kumar January 20, 2009 at 2:01 am

I agree, it’s important to love yourself like crazy. I know when I decided to, my life changed dramatically!

Great post!

AJ Kumar

Daniël January 29, 2009 at 8:34 am

Hello Evelyn,

Thank you for that wonderfull advice. Two days ago I made the most stupid disicion of my life and almost ended it. I was so depressed and tired of failing in the goals i’ve set for myself, that i forgot all the positive things in my life. Luckily I didnt die and my twin-sister talked some sense into me. I then realised how much i ment for others and how valuable my life realy is. Its important that people listen to theirselves and to live their life as they want to, and not to compare theirselfes to much with others or other standards. Simpely love yourself no matter what happends, and accept the fact that you are not perfect. Failing at something is a lesson by itself and tells you how to do better next time, so its actualy a good thing that makes people even more life-experienced and theirfore more attractive. Be gradefull for every day and seek happiness even in the smallest things. Im even thinking about taking a tatoo as a reminder to never ever feel this way again.

With love,

Daniël

jade February 3, 2009 at 8:14 am

very wise words you have written here. It does make sense to me and seem right on how i should view and love myself. But I still just have that barrier there that won’t let it happen. I know i am a talented, smart, attractive person, but I don’t always believe it’s true. I am unique. And my partner loves and sees that, and i see that in him when he gazes into my eyes. But i do always wonder and get scared ‘when is going to discover the flaws in me?’ and for that im afraid, im afraid he will depict them, and see me the way i do, and the love wont be there anymore. I know that my self esteem is based on how i view myself, and the major issue is my face. I truely believe that the rest of my body is fine. But for the past teenage, high school years, it has been my face that has been the worry. My skin, acne, blemishes. And i know that it isnt that bad anymore, no severeness but ive just had to deal with it for so long now and its still kinda there, i just get so sick of still having to worry about my skin. I know i take and see myself too deeply, i want to get over this, i really do, so badly. I wanna be there for my boyfriend i wanna let him love me.

Resh February 3, 2009 at 6:50 pm

Thanx Evelyn
Great post…When i started believing and loving myself my life took a u-turn and realised my desstiny.

JC Teran February 7, 2009 at 3:22 pm

I have a lovely girlfriend and we’ve been together for more than a year but lots of time I keep worrying for anything and hate myself for making so many mistakes with me or with her. I wish I could love myself and be happy for who I am but I just can’t. Not always it’s like this but I depress very often. I think I’m the only one that can fix myself, that can help myself but now, I’m confused.

dolores February 9, 2009 at 3:18 am

Dear Evelyn,
you are truly blessed to share your list of how to love oneself, so freely. My search was for how to love yourself, being in some need of this at the moment. I had intended to create my own list of tips for reference but that proved completely unnecessary as you have provided one for me! I thank the universe for guiding me to the perfect answer which you posted. The beautiful inspirational movie ‘may you be blessed’ made me cry as it reminded me how much I have to be grateful for.
Thank you,
may you continue to be blessed,
Dolores

sarah February 25, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Beautiful!! I love love love this! Thank you endlessly;))

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Delilah March 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm

I feel that I try too hard to be a better person. I used to be so happy last year and as I got older I realized I got more uptight and I’m not as happy as I used to be. I’m just not happy with what I’ve become and with myself. I tend to over analyze the smallest things, and just worry about how I look to other people. I worry that people won’t accept me for who I am so I walk around with this weight on my shoulders. I never do what I want to do, I basically never make my own decisions, and I want to change that. I just want to love myself like I used to.

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