Today, I sat with Fear. Fear has been a long time companion of mine. We have had many conversations in the past over coffee chats and meditation sittings. At first, I listened to Fear intently. I observed how Fear was doing a great job in her warnings to me.
My mind went into calculating, analyzing and thinking with all the points raised by Fear. The more issues she brought up, the more she gesticulated; and the more, she spoke with emotion. Soon, Fear found herself in overdrive.
I noted Fear’s good intent. “Fear is telling me to play small so that I will feel safe”, I said to myself. Clearly, she did not want me to fail. I nodded, in acknowledgment of her pledge of support. Her stern advice went in a menacing voice “Surely, you do not want to be embarrassed? Any signs of failure are not going to look good!”
I pondered; my mind going back and forth. I felt as if I was making a decision that was going to affect the future voice of the United Nations. The weight of ensuring world peace got heavy on my shoulders. With all that thinking about responsibility, I received an emotional truckload of Pain, Frustration, Stress and Worry.
(In case you don’t already know – Pain, Frustration, Stress and Worry are Fear’s buddies.) They were delighted with the invitation. By now, Fear was having some kind of a party. She was quite ready to pop a bottle of champagne, celebrating her victory.
Luckily, I had some awareness that there was some kind of internal melodrama going on. While Fear was kind in offering her thoughts, she was doing such an excellent job that it was paralyzing me into indecision. I was not giving Fear an easy time either. I responded in return, “What is the prize in playing small and never taking a risk?” I must admit that I did not quite enjoy the ensuing debate with her.
After a while, I realized how exhausted I was feeling. I was tired of doing all that thinking. That was when I knew that no amount of analysis was ever going to accurately predict the future. So any kind of anticipated failure might or might not happen. Enough was enough!!
I stamped my feet, “This madness has to stop!!”
And so I finally made a decision. I told Fear how I respected her opinion. I thanked her politely for her thoughts. I assured her that I was not ignoring her but emphasized how important it was for me to go for my dreams.
Fear fell silent.
I paused.
And then I asked firmly, “can you allow me space to be my own?”
Fear smiled.
She nodded.
She understood that I have decided to take charge.
“Yes, yes”, she whispered.
She left swiftly, vanishing into nowhere in the morning light.
And that was how I handled a visit from Fear today.
Shifting Into Peace, Love and Courage,
Top Image: My Picture Depiction of “A Visit from My Fear Gremlin” with the saying “I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back” by Erica Jong.
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Evelyn,
Thank you for sharing this conversation with me today. I am not having a conversation with Fear today but I do need to have a little chat with Anger…thanks for helping me get the courage to do so…
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Evelyn Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Hello Rebecca,
I hope that your conversation with Anger will turn out well
With love,
Evelyn
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hi Evelyn,
Wonderful story! Have you read the book Feel the Fear and do it anyway? Very powerful.
One thing that got me interested in managing my fear was where was it coming from, ie which belief type it was 1, 2 or 3. This video provides insights into these types of feelings and what to do about it.
http://avatarepcmedia.com/en/video/59-makeupyourmind.html
It’s seems like I’m talking about another person but I vaguely remember that in the past, I was very able to block my feelings altogether of fear and develop a migraine instead… Thank God that’s over!
Anyway, I always enjoy reading your posts. Thank you!
Have a wonderful day,
Sile
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Evelyn Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Hello Sile,
Nope…I have not read the book Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. What a catchy title! It sums up what we can do to help ourselves move ahead despite our fears.
I will be checking out the video in a minute. Good for you on the migraine
With love,
Evelyn
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Hello Evelyn,
Thank you for sharing this conversation with me today.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Hi Claudio,
You are most welcome
With love,
Evelyn
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I am emlightened from all the fears including the fear of change.
I am new person now.
Thank you Evelyn
I love you so much
Sridhar Narayanan
Chennai
TamilNadu
India
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:09 am
Hi there,
I am glad to know that you are a new person today! Thumbs up to your ever-evolving soul growth!!
With love and blessings,
Evelyn
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Dear Evelyn,
Thank you for this post. It is very timely, especially with all the change happening in both my, and others’ lives.
Many Blessings,
Jeremy
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:11 am
Hi Jeremy,
How have you been doing? Thank you for your warm support of the message that I have shared.
With love,
Evelyn
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Hey Evelyn, this is just so sweet I loved it and thanks for reminding me that fear is normal and just a way that my body tries to protect me. x
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:03 am
Hello Jenna,
Oh yes, we all have a coping mechanism that helps us survive….just don’t let Fear get so excessive that it stands in the way of our highest path!
With love,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn — I thought that was a great representation of fear, when you said that it was as if the entire fate of the world rested on the decision you were going to make. I’ve thought for a long time that it’s important for me to remember that, the bigger I make the consequences, the harder it will be to do what I want.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Hello Chris,
Oh yes, it sounded really silly after a while that I was making my fears bigger than what they were really about. I have found taking one step at a time helpful for me. It’s getting the small steps ready that prepares me for the giant one!
With love,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn, Thank you for sharing another great part of your enlightment journey, fear sure visit me very often but I learnt fear is not me, it can’t
live for me and most of all I realized fear become your best friend when
you are the most weakest but it also gives you the empty worthless feeling
to pull you down to make you be on the same level as it’s on at FEAR. I do
thank the fear for allowing me to appreciate the positive of courage and
being brave taking charges of the unknown future. Hope all is well with you
sending you some love and blessing with wings..
Love & Peace Delia
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:05 am
Hello Delia,
It is nice to hear your thoughts on fear. Well done in not letting Fear stop you from taking charge of your life and venturing into the unknown!
Receiving and sending love as always,
Evelyn
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Thank you, Evelyn! I often feel that Fear runs my life and have been trying to fight it so much lately. This was a wonderful thing to read.
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Hello Kimberly,
What puts us in resistance persists! I am wondering if it may help not to fight fear but to acknowledge it in your presence. Thereafter, make the intent to venture out anyway!
With love,
Evelyn
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Evelyn, I so much enjoy how you frame your messages in delightful stories with beautiful art. It inspires me so much. Fear is one of my visitors too and I am gradually learning how to pacify her.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 6th, 2010 at 5:52 pm
Hi Sandra,
Welcome to my blog! Thank you for liking what I do. I am fortunate to be living my passion.
Good for you in learning how to pacify Fear!! Keep it up!
With love,
Evelyn
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Evelyn,
I agree that many times we ‘befriend’ fear largely because of our own need to stay small as if staying small will keep us save from failure and pain. Personifying fear like you did helps create a space between the self and the emotions attached to it. That separation allows us to see the bigger picture of your life’s journey.
Thank you for that.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Hello Raihanah,
You made an excellent point about “as if staying small will keep us save from failure and pain”! Oh yes, seeing the separation puts things in perspective. I am not my fear.
Have an awesome and fearless weekend,
Evelyn
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that’s a great insight about fears and worries represented in a very creative way , way to go Evelyn
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Hello Farouk,
It’s great that you’ve enjoyed the creative spin on this post!
Have an awesome weekend,
Evelyn
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After reading your article today, I faced my ultimate fear of change and I decided to quit my job. I feel Fear trying to scare me into panicking and forgetting my reasons for this decision in the first place, but I can hear Hope’s voice as well, that’s telling me “You made the correct choice today. You will survive!”
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:17 am
Hahaha….I love what Hope has to say to you that day! Indeed, you will survive!
With love and well wishes,
Evelyn
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Evelyn,
I love it! – “Pain, Frustration, Stress and Worry are Fear’s buddies”
You can draw so many things to fear. But, we ultimately determine fear. There is no external force or factor that can provoke fear within us, if we do not allow it. Empowering ourselves help reduce the tendency to harbor fear.
Thanks for sharing your words, Evelyn.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:19 am
Hello Myers,
It sure is often the case that with one negative emotion or limiting belief, comes a truckload of others. And soon we find ourselves unable to cope with the pile of them.
To more power and beyond,
Evelyn
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Evelyn: What a great post that really drove home the message of why we shouldn’t have fear and how we need to have an approach for managing through fear. I appreciated the line you said about fear being ready to pop a champagne bottle and celebrate her victory with her other friends. What a funny line and it is so true. As soon as we let fear take over, so many other things enter into the picture. I thought your recommendation for managing fear was very helpful. Sometimes it really is about just acknowledging its existence, but confirming that you will not let fear hold you back. Thanks for sharing a great story and a great post.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Hello Sibyl,
I am happy that you have gotten the message from this post even though it is conveyed in an indirect manner. Indeed, Fear is simply False Evidence Appearing Real. We acknowledge the Evidence that Fear presents but venture ahead anyway!
With love,
Evelyn
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What a beautiful dialogue, Evelyn. I love how fear’s party was getting a little out of hand so you laid down the house rules. Isn’t it interesting how these parts of us really just want to be recognized and validated? They want a space at the table, but they don’t have to cook the entire meal.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Hi Patty,
I enjoyed your description about wanting “a space at the table, but they don’t have to cook the entire meal”. The part about laying down the house rules had me laughing!!!
Have an awesome weekend,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn .. fear – yes a tricky little item .. it is best to face it and not sit with it .. the stress levels aren’t worth it .. and by talking to little fear, the little thing will disappear slowly but surely ..
As you say – pain, frustration, stress and worry are absolutely all component parts of fear .. and we do not need them …. life is too short – get on with things and just do it ..
Good for you .. say bye bye to fear .. enjoy the week – Hilary
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Hi Hilary,
Thumbs up to saying “life is too short” and to get on with things! “Just do it” is my favorite slogan!
With love,
Evelyn
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Such a great post. It amazes me how often fear seems to stumble into our lives.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:15 am
Hello Robin,
Oh yes! We need to be vigilant in catching fear in the act…LOL!
With love,
Evelyn
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Awesome, Evelyn…That image of “fear” made me laugh out loud!
Tim D
http://www.momentary.org
free mobile gratitude journal
what are you grateful for today?
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:35 am
Hello Tim,
It’s awesome that Fear has made you laugh…LOL!!
Love, light and laughter,
Evelyn
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Hi Evelyn – I love how you described your visit from fear and the accompanying cartoon.
I agree that it’s important to acknowledge fear, so long as we don’t allow it to prevent us from achieving our goals.
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:17 am
Hello Cath,
How have you been doing?
Yes, we should not let fear stop us from doing what we hope to do. Glad to know that you like this post!
With love,
Evelyn
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These conversations with fear are generally a great test for ourselves to see what we choose to hold onto or let go of. Interesting article filled with insightful information in your unique way.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:22 am
Hello Bake,
I knew I had to share what was going on with me the whole morning just prior to writing the post. It has been a few days since I wrote it. My conversation with Fear has not resumed since…LOL!
With love,
Evelyn
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Loving fear on a skateboard and you with purple hair:-) And I liked that this wasn’t about banishment of fear, but facing and communicating with it in a way…a different process.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:33 am
Hi Lisa,
It’s great that you’ve enjoyed a different spin with the topic on Fear. I like the idea of making light of some of the illusions that we put ourselves through.
Have an awesome weekend ahead,
Evelyn
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I was laughing as I read this, I felt like my fear was sitting with your fear. I love the image. Today I woke up with fear having a conversation I just didn’t really want to embrace.
I love you conversation with fear I will use that the next time fear drops in
Love
Suzie
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Hi Suzie,
I cannot imagine what my fear and yours will do when they sit down together…LOL!! You are meant to lead an extraordinary life….don’t forget that!
With love,
Evelyn
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This beautifully written and poignant conversation was mentioned by a friend Suzie Cheel. I’m happy to discover you along the journey and remind myself that I’m not the only one having this conversation with Fear.
Cheers!
Stephany
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Evelyn Reply:
July 10th, 2010 at 10:24 am
Hello Stephany,
Welcome to my site! You have just made me laugh when you said “remind myself that I’m not the only one having this conversation with Fear”. We all have conversations with Fear….and I bet people like Donald Trump too!
With love,
Evelyn
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Evelyn,
I like the way you described the fear as a person and its buddies stress and others. This makes whole looking at fear and overcoming it much easier to understand and identify.
Very unique and cool way of thinking and overcoming fear! Great for sharing.
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Evelyn Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Hello Preeti,
Glad that you like the fun element from this post. While it is serious business to look within, we need to also lighten up and take ourselves less seriously.
All the best,
Evelyn
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Ah, I too know that feeling of the whole future of the United Nations resting on my inaction, lol
Yes, we all have conversations with fear, good to be reminded of that.
Fear can be a tricky one, but if we realize, as you have here, that fear doesn’t have to run the show — there is nothing we cannot do. And in the DOING does fear go and take a nap.
take care, Abundant Lady!
xoo
[Reply]
Evelyn Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Hello Jannie,
I like what you said that “fear doesn’t have to run the show”. We tend to let our fears take charge and forget who should really be calling the shots!
Love, light and laughter,
Evelyn
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Thank you so much for this post. At the time I came across your post my heart was pounding from fear of having to face up to someone that makes me very nervous to be around. God bless you.
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I absolutely love your article ‘How to Handle A Visit From Fear’, it was refreshing and insightful. It helped me gain insight into myself. Thank you.
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