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Confessions Of an Altar Boy
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl”.
The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
”And who was the girl you were with?”
“I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.Was it Tina Minetti?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Nina Capelli?”
“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”
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“Was it Cathy Piriano?”
“My lips are sealed.”
”Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration.
“You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself”.
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“4 months vacation and five good leads!!!”
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I thought I would start today’s post in a light hearted manner. My sister-in-law had sent the above joke to me in an email, which got me really tickled.
Then, I started to think about how sometimes, we not only need to release our negative emotions, we also need an outlet for some of our darkest secrets.
Perhaps these secrets are best not revealed to the ones who matter to us most. We sure do not want to hurt or anger them. At the same time, these burning secrets are the very ones that have us sneaking around, making irrational decisions or otherwise, tossing in bed and unable to sleep,
Then again, we may decide to keep a secret from others because we do not want them to know a side about us. We fear their criticisms and judgement. We do not want to risk non-acceptance and having to explain ourselves.
Well, I have decided to throw the floor open today. Through this self help site, I would like to provide you with a platform to confess. Confessing may be just what you need to get a sense of release and freedom.
I confess
Already in my 30s, I have got a lifetime of secrets and made my fair share of mistakes. I am going to pick three to confess, to start the ball rolling:
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1. I confess to forging my mum’s signatures twice for my spelling tests. It was not that I did badly or anything; I had simply forgotten to ask my mum to sign as an acknowledgment that she had noted my results. To avoid getting a scolding from my teacher, I had quickly scrawled my mom’s signature. It was not difficult really for I was good at art and copying was easy! I was around 10 years old, I believe. It was such a long time ago. I deserve to be forgiven, don’t you think?
2. I confess to being caught by the police once for drunk driving. I was alone in my car that night. A policeman had trailed me in his, after noticing that I was not driving straight. I had to pull over on the highway. The next minute or so, I failed the breath analyzer. I begged for a chance. Luckily, he decided to let me off. I would have ended up in the police station if not for his kindness. My then ex-boyfriend found out only because he had a strange hunch that something happened because I took longer than expected to reach home that night! But no one else knew!
3. I confess to being a cheapskate. Before I got married, there was a period when I used my charms on a guy who owned a boat for free waterskiing trips. I was addicted to the adrenaline rush from waterskiing, an expensive sport. Outside office hours and during the weekends, I would be spending my time soaking up the sun. We went island hopping, riding the waves down a canal and he also taught me how to wakeboard. Despite enjoying my free trips, I did not have the hots for him. Although this guy has never declared anything, I suspected that he wanted something more. Err….what would that be?…I pretended to be oblivious, continued to call him for my free trips, and never did want to find out the truth. After I got hitched to my husband, I stopped calling him.
I know…I know. I’ve not always been a goody two shoes. The secrets above are of my less than glamorous past. For obvious reasons, I had chosen not to let others know about them. However, I am way past fearing reproach now. In fact, I am more inclined to laughing at how foolish I was back then.
Your turn to confess
Okay…now over to you. Do you have a confession that you would like to make? Is your guilty conscience pricking at you? Do share a part of your secret self in the comments below. Hopefully, with sharing, you will be able to heave a deep sigh of relief; happy that your secret is no longer one bursting to get out in the open and ready to move on.
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Interesting! Okay, on my grade 10 french exam (which I studied hard for) I still was unsure of my self and cheated. Wrote an essay on my upper legs, just moved up my shorts and there was the answer.
Dumb because I did it with out it, but still…
I’ll be back to post more
I’m sure…
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I confess that I went on two dates and only did it because I enjoyed being with people I even played tennis with one of them. I didn’t want anything more I just didn’t have anyone to play tennis with so I played tennis with him.
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I had a date with two guys at the same time and played tennis with one of them because I didn’t have anyone to play tennis with and I never played tennis with him again.
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Cool confessions.
And a fun idea.
Well, you KNOW that since I’m not anonymous, I will keep the worst (best?) stuff to myself… but here is my confession:
If I don’t answer the phone… it’s not because I’m not there. I am likely home, knowing you’re calling. The thing is, I HATE phones. They are intrusive. So I tend to ignore them and let the answering machine pick up.
If you really want to get my attention, email me. I check my emails several times throughout the day.
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Vared, you took mine!
I’ll stay in the same vein, I guess: I confess that I’ve faked certain cell phone calls breaking up because I didn’t feel like talking.
Are you there? Hello? You’re breaking up! Can you hear me!
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Ditto to Vered’s.
Ditto to John Young’s.
I was in a class in college where if the professor called on you and you weren’t prepared he would completely berate you in front of the whole class. Once I didn’t do the reading assignment and I suspected he might be calling on me since he hadn’t called on me in a while. I went up to him before class and I told him I had an ear infection in both ears that I had gotten from the swimming pool, so I couldn’t hear very well (totally made up). He was very understanding and didn’t call on me
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Oh, I keep forgetting to add my URL, sorry.
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Hmm, this looks like fun. If I gave away my juiciest of secrets though, I’ll have to change my name and relocate again! So let me see if I can share something fun, yet won’t jeopardize my future…
One time I was at a restaurant/club in Miami, and the recording artist Ferrell was there with a few of his friends. It was a low key place, and when I saw him, I just stared at him trying to figure out it was really him. I kinda forgot that he can see right back at me, and I could tell he was weirded out and he intentionally sat as far away from me as possible. I felt like such a stalker. We were close to Ocean Drive, so I ran into him later that night again, and he remembered me and went out of his way to avoid me!
Oh well, his loss for not getting a chance to meet a guy like me in person (at least that’s what I tell myself to cover the embarrassment).
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That was a funny joke. I’m lol – and it’s a lot “cleaner” than my favorite confession joke.
One of the things I like about being Catholic is the Sacrament of Confession. I see it as an opportunity to examine your life and your conscience and confess to another person [a priest] areas where you are falling short etc.
Even if you don’t believe that a priest can absolve you of your sins, I think that it is still a worthwhile practice.
I confess that I have the hots for a woman I work with, who is married. I know it is wrong, yet we flirt and my mind gets carried away. It hasn’t gone too far though….and I should be working on ending, as opposed to pursuing, this temptation.
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@Jenn, I’m glad that you could do your test without it
@Miss Bridget, it seems like we shared a similar experience
@Vered, now that is a rather “safe” confession. I confess to not liking my home phone and cell phone too.
@John, hmmm….it just seems that more of us have the same dislike for phones. Now, who was it that invented the phone?
@Al, I can just imagine how embarrassed you were! I also confess to forgetting people’s faces especially when I do not see them for a long time after the first meeting. I’m not sure if I do actually stare at them but I sometimes do strike a conversation without remembering who and how I know them.
@Mark, oh my…I’m so glad I’m not a priest…I’m at a loss of words over your confession.
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When I was 15, my first romantic involvement left me feeling rejected, disappointed, and very hurt. I hadn’t resolved those feelings completely, when I agreed to a blind date with a guy that was 6 years older than me. I guess I was, selfishly, looking for a way to help me get through these bad feelings I was having a hard time getting rid of.
This new guy was really nice, good looking, and very shy, and so was I. I ended up dating him for 3 months during summer break from school. I honestly tried to have romantic feelings for him, went through the motions of trying, but could not quit thinking about my old boyfriend. When school started up again in the fall I dumped him rather coldly, by telling him I didn’t think I wanted to see him anymore. I was thinking maybe there was some small chance that my old boyfriend and I would get back together. However, that never happened. (Turned out to be a good thing though).
In the mean time, I discovered after I got over him for good, I really wanted to call up that blind date guy again. The tough part was, I knew he really had felt something for me(sometimes you can just feel these things). I felt so bad about playing him that I could never get the courage to apologize and call him again. I told myself a lie, that his hurt ego would probably not want to give me another chance.
30 years later, with both of us being married to other people, I discovered that was an untrue story I had told myself, and he did give me another chance. We have been having an affair for 4 years. I’m divorced now, but he is not. How this is going to be resolved is still unfolding.
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@Marelisa, I might have done the same in college…LOL!! It sure sounds scary to have a professor like that!
@brenagail, thanks for sharing. It’s interesting how telling ourselves stories can delude us from the truth. I am in no position to judge anyone but I sure hope your romantic life gets resolved soon.
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Hey Evelyn, you were a naughty girl, like me, LOL! Well when I was much younger I’ve tried forging my dad’s signature too. I was also a speed monster. Yup, I was caught and fined by the traffic police for speeding – I even had to go to the police station to make an appeal so that I wouldn’t lose my driving licence! Thank heavens that worked. Of course I told another set of lies at the police station to get this going … I shan’t spill the beans here.
This is a fun post, I enjoyed reading all the comments here too!
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Hi Evelyn,
Your blog is pretty neat so far!
Even if you don’t like durian.
Hmm secrets? Ummm….lessee…well, first of all add me to the list of ppl who stay away from the phone as much as possible.
Okay – in first grade, there was a girl in my class that some of the “popular” girls liked to pick on for whatever reason. I am mortified to admit that because I craved acceptance with the popular girls, I joined in on a couple of occasions. Decades later, I still think of her and wish I could apologize to her face for being such a jerk!
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@Irene, we would have been comrades in crime if we had known each other when we were younger….LOL!! Our experiences are so similiar!
@Sarah, it’s interesting for me to note that it’s not just the victims who hold on to their past memories but their so-called bullies too. For all you know, this girl may also have forgotten her ordeal. But most definitely, it would be grand if you can meet her one day and let her know your current thoughts.
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I used to steal pens from the stationary cupboard at one place I worked – but unlike Natural I didn’t put them back when they had run out of ink.
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Hi Evelyn,
I love the opening story. That was awfully cute.
When I was in a spelling bee (4th grade, I think), my word was dictionary. I wasn’t sure if it ended with an “ary” or an “ery”. I hesitated, then realized the teacher was picking words out of the dictionary she was holding. I saw the spelling on the cover. I got it right! Hehe!
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Hi Evelyn, just tuned into your blog site, and I’m already salivating at all the great stuff here.
I must confess, however, that I love my privacy, so much so that I leave comments on blogger’s blogs with names like PeaceLoveJoyBliss. Is there any hope for me?
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@Robin, oh my…and no one suspected with all the missing pens?
@Barbara, enjoyed the joke? What a clever girl you were at 4th grade!! It’s not about knowing the spelling, it’s about being quick to use the resources around…hee…
@PeaceLoveJoyBliss, with a pseudonym like yours, how can there be no hope???
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Evelyn -
I agree with Vered that since I’m not anonymous, I’ll spare the worst one but here is my confession.
I get lots of shouts from Digg but I only respond when a friend emails me or if I know the person who is sending a shout. I’m not rude. In fact, initially I responded to all the shouts but that became a tiring job that took lot of my time so I feel guilt but I have no choice. If someone makes me a friend, I’ll definitely return the favor.
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Evelyn, I’ve pulled the tongue out of my cheek, and I’m thinking, “this girl has good answers”. Ever consider a career in diplomacy? ;D
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I bribe my young children with chocolate. Works every time.
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What the hell, I’m 58 so who cares about reputations. I’ve broken the law so many times in my past that I wonder if I am the most non-law-abiding coach in the Universe. I was only caught once. It was on the Pa. turnpike driving to the Jersey shore in 1969 for an Edgar Winter concert. Let’s just say that our van had curtains in the windows, a pipe fell out of the glove compartment when we were asked for license and registration and the state police officer had his own sniffer dog. Care to venture a guess as to my offense?
I have no idea why I’m sharing this other than I’ve had an idea for sometime now that I haven’t yet acted on. So I’ll run it by you fine folks. Is there anyone out there who would dare accept an invitation to a break-the-law party?
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Okay delurking because I love secrets and I don’t believe we should regret anything we have done. Some things I am not proud of and wouldn’t repeat, but to change them would change me. I have a wild side so I have lots I could confess, but I’ll stick to two that I’m prepared to own up to right now.
The first is when I was 16/17 I got completely sick of school and went a bit off the rails. I started skipping a lot of school – sometimes 2 days a week – and so when my term report card came in for dad the ABSENT days were ridiculous. Over 20. I knew he was going to kill me so I doctored the report card with a razor and deleted the 2 so it said something like 8 days. My dad is quite vague and he never even noticed. His girlfriend at the time did, but she decided not to say anything unless he picked it up and he never did. Pheww!
I also will admit to more than recreational drug use. In the first three years of my marketing career (22-25) I got drunk most nights and lived on a cocktail of uppers and downers so I was high at work almost every day. Somehow, I still managed to get promoted and become a Product Manager by 24. If that sounds like I’m glamorizing drugs, I’m not because the promotion didn’t make up for the fact that I was a tortured soul who ended up having a nervous breakdown. I was lucky – pure and simple. A few ‘friends’ over the years have not been so lucky.
Great topic Evelyn and I loved your honesty about your stories. It’s hard to admit to using another human being, especially when inside we know it is wrong.
Kelly
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@Oh Shilpan, your confession is too “safeâ€Â! All of us do that. Me including. I simply can’t cope with all the requests now. I’m also less often on Digg and will only do so if I get an email from a friend.
@PeaceLoveJoyBliss, you’ve gotta be kidding me!! I love blogging too much to consider alternative work!
@Stacey, you’re good…you call the shots! It’s the other way round for me. My children “bribes†me all the time with their toothy smiles and slurpy kisses. Works all the time – it’s hard to say No to them!
@Tom, whether you have broken the law or not, I accept you for who you are!! I can’t say that I’ve broken that many laws but I sure love a party!
@Kelly, you are lucky to have not gotten into worse trouble with drugs and skipping school. A good thing too. Look at how well you are doing now!
All of us make mistakes. It’s great that you are not wallowing in regret but accepting the past as it is. I can’t say that I’m proud of what I’ve done too; but I embrace every part that I’ve been, am and will come to be.
Evelyn
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Ok I was married to this guy but before we got married I realised I was inlove with someone else, a friend of his and mine however I still loved him and therefore thought we could make it work…. I know, I know….starting life out on a lie is not a good idea… Anyway after we were married I stopped seeing the other guy but the marriage wasn’t as easy or as happy as I thought,3 years and on child later and after several times getting kicked out of the house with the baby and dealing with several other woman and his interfering family I decided to call the other guy. Uncormfortable at first but then we got along like a house on fire…. We started seeing each other and two months later my husband found out… He hit me and I left… I denied the affair over and over again… The guy and I are still together but I am still not legally divorced 4 years on because my ex feels that he needs to nasty. I have never confessed to the affair and still carry the guilt of it and even though my best friend comforts me with the fact that he treated me badly I still feel very guilty… Hurting someone because they hurt you is not the answer…
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Hello Ash, thanks so much for sharing. You are very brave; it must have taken a lot of courage for you to write your story. You must have been through a lot. I can only imagine the suffering on all parties involved. May you find peace!
Evelyn
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I don’t usually write experiences on blogs, but seeing as how open you people and having read other’s ‘secrets’ i’ll choose my anonymity and share something that not many people know.
I was quite serious about my last girlfriend, when she broke up with me because she thought she was having second thoughts and she didn’t want to be unfair to me. I was really upset at the time, and decided to not speak to her after that. Well, i’ve still not exactly gotten over her yet (almost two years later!)and i think it’s a bit pathetic of me. The thing that hurts is that, even when we were broken up, there were kisses on cheeks and holding hands. I’m in another country now (As a student) and we’ve started talking, often having conversations about philosophy and music, and well, i really can’t figure out if she feels anything (because there are obvious signs sometimes, like calls at 2 am to talk about nothing at all, and times when we don’t really speak much). Between trying to sort my feelings out and her going through sorting out her life and family, i really don’t think i can tell her how i feel..even if it’s only for the sake of saying it and walking off, it also looks like i won’t be seeing her for about 2 more years now, i just really wish i could tell her.
I don’t know if that ^ counted as much of a secret.
@ Ash, i really don’t see why you’re feeling bad about what you did. I think it takes courage if not anything else. I hope you’re happy with the person you’re with!
@ Kelly, that sounds like a hell of a ride, but it’s awesome to find the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in recreational drug use, but know it can lead to dark places.
*steps off soapbox*
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What a funny joke, thanks for sharing it!
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I confess that I got some dark secrets too dark to be confessed here
Got to miss the confession challenge
Robert
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I confess that I’m addicted to social media.
Oh that’s not what you meant? Right…
I’m not as honest with myself as I should be and sometimes deny my own feelings about what I really want and what really makes me happy. I often do things that I think are “good for me” but my heart isn’t really in it.
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@Robert, only when you are ready
@Jonathan, oh come on…half of the commentors here will be confessing to the same social media addiction! Yes…it is important to resolve any inner conflict that comes with being true to one’s heart versus doing stuff that is “good for me”.
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Okay, I will admit that i have made an awful lot of mistakes, some minor, some major… I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that they are done, and cannot be changed, but my perspective of these events can be… And so, here goes one..
From the ages of 12/13 to 16, i was clinically depressed and i regularly stole money from my mom to buy cannabis, or to pay off dealers with whom i had got into debt. My mom was struggling at this time as she was newly divorced from an abusive…beast, basically…certainly not human..
And i have come to realise that the only reason i smoked pot was to gain acceptance from those who i believed at the time to be my friends.
Pretty sh*tty of me, i know.
We (my mom and i) have made ammends, but this still pains me, as she knew fine well that i had taken the money, sometimes upto a hundred pounds in a week, yet i denied it ’til i was blue in the face.
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Hahaha….that is a gutsy way to ask your readers to confess. Although i must admit it worked with me too.
Ok, here it goes. when I was about 7 I stole some chewing gum from a shop on the way from school.
*blushes
Yeah, I know. It wasn’t nice but I swear it was the first and last time I stole something…
..but then there was the incident when I escaped the police on a bike through winding back alleys because I was carrying an unlawful passenger. Oops, I’m still waiting for the fine.
-ohm
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Wow… some pitifully mediocre things people feel guilty about on here lol.
I’ve found this page has only made me feel somewhat worse about my guilt – One particular incident of my doing many years ago has haunted me ever since and it is a far, far cry worse than anything on here so far – If I had been older at the time and found out I probably would have gone to prison – and hence I don’t feel like sharing – This is the first time I have ever talked even vaugely about it. The guilt has also changed me entirely – stripped any hint of romantic sentiment and left me a cynical nihilist in these times.
If anyone has any further information about dealing with guilt I’d be very interested to hear about it.
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Intothelight and Todd, do read my subsequent posts on guilt. On my site, I also share a fair bit about using EFT – emotional freedom technique. EFT is helpful in dealing with guilt. I have personal success stories with using this modality. Also, I have been using it to help others as well, with great effectiveness!
Love, light and truth,
Evelyn
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