(Min dancing in joy – a great state to BE!!! Photo: limevelyn on flickr)
I’ve got a question for you today: Do you live your life according to HAVE-DO-BE or BE-DO-HAVE?
“Huh…what???” you may reply. I can almost imagine you looking baffled at this point.
Well, let me explain.
Most of us are living our lives according to HAVE-DO-BE. It’s not a great way to live, I’m afraid. We are, in actual fact, getting things reversed.
The secret to abundance (having all-there-is such as happiness, love, peace, joy, success, etc) is to BE-DO-HAVE. The BE-DO-HAVE order as very much aligned to how we can apply Universal laws (including the Law of Attraction) in the process of creation i.e. the creation of our external reality.
HAVE-DO-BE
I first encountered the idea of our HAVE-TO-BEs in the Conversations with God
We define our dreams mostly by material things. A big house. A flaming red sports car. A million -dollar online business. We need to HAVE what our neighbors are having, so that we can DO the things they enjoy and then we will BE successful. Or, we need to HAVE all these material possessions, then we can DO all the various things (like travel the world, lead the high life, or sip champagne on our yacht) and then we will BE happy.
In the area of beauty, the same formula is being used. Beauty is often treasured based on outward appearances. Most certainly, we are not helped by the constant bombardment of media ads that continue to prey on our insecurities. Consequently, we think we have to HAVE the looks first (and if we don’t, we can solve our lack of one by breast implants, plastic surgery or Botox) before we DO attract the dream partner and then we can BE happily married ever after!
In the practice of spirituality, it is also easy to fall prey to assuming the same HAVE-DO-BE paradigm. We tell ourselves that we HAVE to experience blissful states in our meditation before we can BE contented. I remember a time when I used to get frustrated because I failed to experience jhanas in my meditation at each quiet sitting. I had, during that period, tasted the low fruits of bliss a few times and started to crave for them at every meal. I also longed for bigger feasts. No surprises that I got very disappointed!!!!
Then, if you have been hoping to become a best selling book author, have you been adopting the same HAVE-DO-BE fallacy yourself? Your thinking goes: I need to HAVE more time and then I can write my book and then I will be so happy because I can live off the royalties that I earn from it. If you have been studying materials from the law of attraction, then you must know that worrying over the “hows” and needing the “haves” right up front can create blockages to the creative process.
All in all, the problem with HAVE-DO-BE is that it is very much based on living in the future. We are not happy in the present moment. We do not realize that underneath all that motivation in working hard to HAVE what we want, are thought patterns based on lack. Craving fuels us to work harder and harder. We desire what we do not have intensely and lament that despite all our struggles, we are still very far from our dreams.
The BEs that we are in is hardly a state of abundance. Emotionally, we tie our happiness to our desired outcomes. We have little no or awareness about how we are letting external events dictate our inner state. Our lives have been pretty much an open door to emotional upheaval!! We become trapped in a constant cycle of yearning and not feeling fulfilled.
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BE-DO-HAVE
The way the Universe works is that we BE happy, peaceful or contented and we take (or DO) the necessary actions from this state of BEing. Creatively, we then bring forth the outcome we desired to have in the first place.
The next question you may ask is how do you BE when you are not there yet? Do you fake it? The answer is no. You can’t fake something and have a higher state of energy resonance show up in your auric field. It is just not possible. The best way from how I’m understanding things to be is to work the process out in incremental steps.
You need to determine what you need to BE to HAVE what you want to have. You begin to BE, even in whatever small ways, from your current position. When you start to BE, you choose to be happy, appreciative, peaceful, contented or whatever it is that you ultimately desire right now. You can do so by being appreciative, counting your blessings and viewing things in perspective. Your focus is on the “present moment”, cultivating joy for what you already have.
Your emotion-backed thoughts immediately put you at a higher level of energy vibration. Your aura shines somewhat brighter. Like a magnet, you also begin to attract frequencies that correspond to better outcomes. As you move up the scale in happiness, peace or contentment, you eventually get to the vibrational level that matches your desired dream of abundance.
“In life, you do not have to do anything. It is all a question of what you are being”.
— Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations with God
BE-DO-HAVE or HAVE-DO-BE?
How are you living your life today? Share your comments/story/ideas in today’s food-for-thought post.
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Hi Evelyn,
Conversations with God was a real eye-opener for me too. If we do in order to have, but are not the right person yet, whatever we have will eventually leave us anyway. So we have to BE first. And you’re right that we can’t fake it, but we can be a little more today than we were yesterday, until one day we wake up and we are the person we wanted to become. Awesome post!
This is a wonderful post, it came right on time! I have been dealing with this very thing lately in my life. I was trying to force the have-do-be to work, and it just doesn’t! Instead it creates more stress! I’m learning how to focus on BEING what I want, being in a state of peace, joy, gratitude…DOING whatever is necessary to stay in that state. And, relaxing in the flow of the universe knowing that I will always HAVE whatever I need to keep me in this state of bliss!
Great frame.
As soon as I read the title, I knew exactly what you meant and what your points would be.
Lately, I’ve been socializing how happiness is a decision. It’s a perspective you drive from, you don’t put it out on a pedestal and pursuit it, or you’ll never BE-DO-HAVE.
‘Be Do Have’ is a powerful strategy to take control of your life and harvest abundatly. Great article!
I really liked how you put it. The BE-DO-HAVE factor is something I have been living as best I can everyday. The opposite (Have-Do-Be) can come not only from the media, but from of our closest and dearest friends and family. Using this simply concept to make sure you are flowing downstream is very powerful indeed. thanks for writing it.
@Daphne, I sure agree to BEing a little more today than what we are yesterday. It’s all about moving in alignment to the state of BEing that will allow us to HAVE our heart’s ultimate desires.
@Tiko, I’m glad that you recognize that HAVE-DO-BE creates a lot of stress. It is totally unnecesary and not the best way to go about manifesting abundance.
@J.D. Meier, most definitely I agree that happiness is a choice. We can choose to live joyfully or complain bitterly that our lives suck! The ability to create a more meaningful and powerful life rests in our own hands, no one else’s.
@Adam, thanks for liking the article!
@Coryelle, I’m so glad to know that you’ve been getting the order right with BE-DO-HAVE. I’m guessing that many of us are living unconsciously, not knowing that our lives are pretty much HAVE-DO-BE. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Be, Be, Be it’s all about the be! Let it BE.
I am pretty good on not always having to HAVE but I can certainly work on less DOing to be BE happier.
Incremental – FABULOUS philosophy!
Hi Evelyn
Very well put.
Starting with “have” also means that we can have an excuse for not achieving something.
Juliet
I know I fall prey to HAVE-DO-BE. While I would like to be more like BE-DO-HAVE, it’s sometimes hard, especially when a girl tells you on your second date that you need to be a millionaire and buy her a big house with a garden (yes, true story).
I think right now I’m in some kind of hybrid pattern. Something like …DO-BE-HAVE-BE-DO-DO-HAVE-BE…
I’ve been through the HAVE-TO-BE phase before when I had almost nothing to my account. It was also around those days when I realized and decided that there’s no point complaining about having nothing to start off with.
Hence, I’m living according to BE-TO-HAVE today.
I find I’m slowly getting better at counting my blessings and enjoying what I have, instead of buying into ads that tell me I need to get stuff in order to be happy. Thank you for the link!
I’ve never been tempted by conventional ideas of success. I wanted to find work/activities that fed my soul, otherwise I would have been building my life on sand. It took me a while to find what I truly loved, but the exploration was fun too. I can’t imagine living any other way.
Hoo boy – I’m working on it. I’m a prime example, too, of how it is ever an ongoing process, or at least it is for me. I count my blessings, I am happy and content with my life. But. Ah, therein lies the problem. I’m struggling with a transition from writing non-fiction articles and doing clipart and coloring pages that bring me pennies a day and a little check in the mail now and then to leaping forth into creating art to sell, and writing novels. (Yes, I’ve written and sold many fiction short stories, too) The adjustment from “I’ll finish this today and by tomorrow it will make me $20 or start making me a few pennies a day” to “I will draw something today, and write a few pages and someday, hopefully, this work will sell for big bucks” has sucked me into Have-Do-Be conflict! I have to spend part of each day reminding myself that the space I am in is quite nice and the work I am doing now will make an even nicer space in the future… how to do that without getting into Have-Do-Be is quite a balancing act. I’m learning. I hope.
I am so in love with this website it’s not even funny. The be-do-have post here it’s very laymen and the best thing is I can share it with my family and friends !!
Hi Evelyn: I agree it’s be-do-have, although that’s difficult because you have to act notwithstanding evidence of lack. That is, you have to be wealthy, then act in ways that lead to wealth, and then you’ll have wealth, but at first you’re “being wealthy” while you have very little money in the bank and have trouble paying your bills. The trick is to focus on abundance even when surrounded by apparent lack.
Hi Evelyn. I agree with the Be-Do-Have philosophy. It is a challenge to start by working with oneself and not get hung up on the outer world as proof (when things are not yet at par). It’s a good exercise in trusting what we cannot see, “Looking for what “isn’t” there yet.
Thank you, Evelyn. You make a very good case.
Between the image up top and the call “to be,” I am struck with a sense of “be playful” (which requires one to be in the moment)…not have to be!
blessings and continued inspiration!
CG
@Jannie, I just love the way that you are putting it. Yes…work with what you can and BE always having fun!!!
@Juliet, you are right about using the “HAVES” as excuses for not doing anything.
@Hunter, I am shocked that a girl can say that on a second date. Huh??? I almost fell off my chair. Oh yes….sort out the BE-DO-HAVE order right….and you may find yourself with a soul mate…LOL!!! Good luck!!
@Daniel, good for you. If more of us are in the BEs today, the world is a happier place for sure!!
@Vered, yes we definitely do not need more stuff. I am hoping to de-clutter my life!!
@Jean, good for you!!! Most of us, including myself, learn it the hard way.
@Summer, thanks for sharing your experience. Most certainly, what you’ve shared is inspiring to us all about moving gradually into alignment with the BE that we have been dreaming of.
@kreativ, thanks for enjoying my posts!! Yes, do share about BE-DO-HAVE with all your friends and family!! May our lives all be changed just by understanding this very simple principle!!
Marelisa and Davina,
I have been overwhelmed by worry in the past. I found it difficult to BE, when I did not have everything.
I choose to now believe that there is no lack but that what I desire for is coming. There is a time lag in the third dimension between intention and manifestation. So I work on sending out the right vibration with every little step I take today. The greater I am in alignment, the less time the manifestation is going to take.
Sincerely,
Evelyn
CG Walters, I certainly like the idea of being “playful”. The picture of my daughter in this post captures the very essence of being in the Now, don’t you think?
Love & light,
Evelyn
Hello Evelyn,
Thank you very much . I treasure every lesson that I learned from your emails.
Today I relaized that I am living in a have-do-be order.
I am so convinced now that it should be be-do-have.
For your info, I have been applying to my everyday life what I learn from you and I am happy of the results. There were outcomes that are not within what I asked but then I found out through your messages that these due to my opposing thoughts. But I am now happier and feels more contented in life everyday than before when I had no idea about attracting abundance.
I am wishing you and your family good health always.
Sincerely,
Joel Toroy
Philippines
I like how the state of BE focuses on the “present moment”. Sometimes we don’t appreciate all that we already have in our lives.
Hi Evelyn, I find that when I allow who I am to be the source of what I do, and be as flexible, adaptable, and versatile as I can be, moment by unpredictable moment, I also find that I can respond most appropriately and desirably to the flow of my experience as an expression of who I am, but the moment I lay claim to what I have, the be-do-have sequence is reversed, as I feel invariably compelled or obligated to protect what I have: “I have to protect _____ by _____ so that I can be ______.” Being, doing, and having, in that order, sound good on paper, but what about our needs for security, safety, and stability, especially where the bearing and rearing of children is concerned? Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3 …
Christopher
Hi Evelyn
You are a very good writer. I love the way you write.
I guess I would say, “be as you already are”
Great post.
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
It really takes a lot of practice to shift from the HAVE-DO-BE to the BE-DO-HAVE style
Up to now, I’m having difficulties not falling off to the HAVE-DO-BE mentality. How do you be when you are not? Our programming seems to be telling us. One factor that helped me is exhaustion. Yep, seems a negative thing but it helped me acquire SURRENDER. When you surrender, you seem to accept things as they are. You start to have peace. And then you just BE! Takes a lot of practice though, a lot of emptying of oneself and a change of perspective from fighting mode to rest mode. Hope to be able to DO it, ooops, to BE IT rather 
Hi Evelyn – What a fascinating concept. I’ve never seen it put or worded this way, but how you wrote it makes it all come together.
When I was younger I was more of the “HaveDoBe” kind of thinker. Maturity taught me it’s all about BeDoHave. I’m so happy I finally figured this out.
Fabulous post!
Hi Evelyn,
Nice article. By changing our mindset into be-do-have, it makes us more align and easier to attract whatever we want to attract.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
You make a very good case, Evelyn. Thanks.
Between the picture up to and the ‘call to be’…I must admit that the message that comes to mind is “BE Playful!”….it’s very hard not to ‘be here now’ when truly engaged in play!
blessings to you and all you hold dear,
CG
Joel,
Thanks for finding my messages useful.
In your comment, you wrote “I am so convinced now that it should be be-do-have”. There are no “shoulds”. It’s not about what you should or should not do. The word “should” in fact creates a resistance.
You do have free choice/free will. A better way is to think in terms of choices. You choose BE-DO-HAVE over HAVE-DO-BE as the better way of living for yourself.
I wish you & your loved ones much blessings too!!
Love & light,
Evelyn
@Stacey, I can’t agree more with what you’ve written
@Christopher, I’m not sure what you are asking. Why would our needs for security, safety, and stability tie with “bearing and rearing children”? Most certainly, when the order is HAVE-DO-BE, we are operating at a level that is one of fear (thus we need to protect).
@Giovanna, thanks for liking my post! Glad that you’ve enjoyed it!
Jocelyn, it does take first of all an awareness. Awareness already helps us in making the desired shift. When we pay closer attention to how we feel, we will automatically want to feel better, happier, etc.
However, as you’ve pointed out, subconscious patterns can sabotage our best intent. So, we work through our blocks.
If we keep at the process in the right order of BE-DO-HAVE, I believe that we can get to our desired place in good time.
All the best in your journey!
Evelyn
@Barbara, I’m glad that you like this post. Writing it also helped me to crystallize my thoughts. Thanks for finding the article useful!
@Vincent, I’m happy to know that you’ve enjoyed this post too
@CG Walters, your response makes me think that it will be nice to put up more “playful” posts from now on. Blessings always!!
Although I know that BE-DO-HAVE is the right way to go, I have to accept that fears gets in the way: fear that I’m not able to be, or that I start being, but then never really have what I wanted (then again, I notice that if “am” and enjoy it, then I probably don’t need what I wanted to have anyway).
Still… I don’t want to be stuck in the “I know I should be happy now but I can’t” guilt thing. But at the same time, I realize that if I’m stuck in the “I’m not happy because I need” I’m not sending the right “waves” to others (and the universe).
So trying to be happy can make me feel miserable if I can’t get there, but not trying makes me afraid of not being able to achieve happiness. How do you get out of this conflict?
Hi Evelyn, great reflection. The be-do-have rule has never crossed on my mind before. I must confess that your ideas are so detail here. I like the way you describe with examples.
Thanks for sharing, Evelyn.
Great post and solid reminder we are human BEings.
Be,do, have is a healthy mantra. Thank you.
Shann
Hi Evelyn, I appreciate your response to my comment. You asked, “Why would our needs for security, safety, and stability tie with “bearing and rearing childrenâ€?”
Why indeed.
Permit me to take an in-depth perspective to address your uncertainty about my question.
As I’m sure you know, children need to feel safe and secure, physically and psychologically, in a relatively stable environment, to grow and flourish. As children, we fear for our safety and security so that we might know the value of safety and security. As parents, we fear (normally, naturally, healthily, spontaneously) for the safety and security of our children when either or both are threatened.
As you point out, and I quote you, “Most certainly, when the order is HAVE-DO-BE, we are operating at a level that is one of fear (thus we need to protect).” The point I wish to make is that, in spite of ourselves, we are all prone to fear, more often than we’d like to admit, with a concomitant need to protect, making the sequence have-do-be not only normal, natural, healthy, and spontaneous, but inevitable. So, the question is: how do we live with this inevitability so that we might bring have-do-be into harmony with be-do-have (or vice versa)?
Remember, fear is not the enemy. Never has been, never will be. Embrace the fear, the dread, the anxiety, the insecurity, the resistance, the denials, the avoidance, the compulsions, the obsessions: work with them, allow them, welcome them, appreciate them, release them.
Christopher
JACH,
I’ve already shared about a number of techniques on my site that I’ve found in overcoming fears. For instance, I’ve use EFT intensively and extensively almost every other day on myself, kids, or others. The other method that is effective is The Sedona Method. Both works on embracing the fear. Check my resources page, if you are keen to find out more about EFT or the Sedona Method.
Fear is not to be pushed away, if it is present. Fear and love are opposites, just like black and white. To know what one is, the other is to be experienced. Yet, we can diminish the amount of fear in our lives, as soon as we choose to acknowledge and release it.
I definitely can understand how difficult it is to move from HAVE-DO-BE to BE-DO-HAVE. However, I won’t have it any other way. I made a choice to face some of my darkest fears and found myself shifting energetically. My life has never been better since.
My question to you is are you willing to embrace the parts of your BE that is currently causing you misery? Do you choose to create a different life, since the old one has not produced good results?
All the best,
Evelyn
@Aswino, I’m glad to know that the examples are helping you understand the idea behind this post better. Thanks for visiting my site.
@Shann, I like the emphasis on human BEings. Thanks for sharing!
@Christopher, well it seems that you’ve answered your own question….LOL!! My thoughts are the same. Read my response to Jach.
Thanks Evelyn, I love this lesson as I did the Conversations with God Book One. It truly focuses us to consider how we want to be while we are doing what we love to do.
Hi Evelyn,
Are you a Human Being or a human doing was the question I asked yesterday on my blog, see we have been reading the same books.
I know for me in 2009 I am working on being more than doing, not always easy to do
thanks for yout very thought provoking post
Suzie
Hi Evelyn,
I love the photo you’ve shared – it just really shouts “BE”!! And that is the place to start. I believe this fully. That said, do I always start there? No. Too often, in our society that is focused on material items – “HAVE” wins out. Even, I say, for people focused on be-do-have. Still…”HAVE” can be a big draw.
And yet, starting with “BE” – our soul is so much more satisfied, our soul is fulfilled. I can say I’m a be-do-have person — the truth is, I try to be – and somedays I am – and some days I’m not…
I just wanted to congratulate you for being featured on Blogging without a blog
Evelyn, I’m happy to hear that your thoughts resonate with mine and that you’ve realized that be-do-have or have-do-be is not a simple, black-and-white, either-or proposition, but a complex, interacting dynamic of soul and spirit vying continually for our attention. Judging from your response to Jach, I can also see that you appreciate how difficult it is for the wounded soul to heal itself of past-life/childhood trauma so that it might enjoy the be-do-have flow on a regular basis.
Christopher
I hope I can live this in my own life. It’s easy getting caught up in my goals that I forget to just *be*.
Hello, Evelyn. Joel Toroy recommended your site to me. The Have-do-be, Be-do-have principles really make sense to me. I love to read more of your articles and learn to attract abundance and happiness into my life.. Thank you for the learnings i have so far by reading your articles. i would appreciate it if I could get hold of more.
I’m a HAVE-DO. I never get to the BE.
Hi Evelyn!
What a great post! Conversations with God is what initiated my big journey inward about 4 years ago and it has been a priceless resource since.
I love this method of living. Too many of us and I in the past got caught up with the “when this happens then I’ll be…” and similar sentences.
Now I am happy or peaceful or joyful, etc and whatever follows, follows and they always are amazing things, not that I expect anything. Just being in the state of joy is enough. Life is so much fun this way, so EASY this way and most of all so fulfilling!
I think I’m a believer in the DO-BE-HAVE category. Is that a valid categorization? By taking action, I can try new things which makes happy. The have part is a natural byproduct of the DO part.
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